I’ve got issues with NukeMom. It’s nothing major, just a little food faux pas that drives me crazy. She’s an Ice Cream Candlewicker. Don’t Google that, I just made it up. What exactly is an Ice Cream Candlewicker you ask? She’s one of those people that will only dig half way through the 1/2 gallon carton when dishing ice cream. Once she hits the half way point, she’ll flip the carton over and start digging from the other end. Think The China Syndrome, but with frozen dairy treats. Now, when it comes to ice cream cartons, I’m a backhoe kind of guy; you dig till you hit bottom and you’re done. I don’t mind the sticky, gelatinous, gummy remnants on my knuckles when I reach the bottom ‘cuz I’m going to lick it off anyway. It’s no different than making a cake and licking the bowl. And the spatula. And the spoons used during mixing. And those few drops that fell on the countertop. And the oven rack. Of course, you need to make sure the oven has cooled down first. It only took me one experience to learn that. I also learned that gauze and athletic tape will not stick to the human tongue for more than 45 seconds, tops. It hasn’t been an issue of late because she and the kids like chocolate, and I like chocolate chip. Well, that is, until a couple of weeks ago when she convinced NukeBoy2 and NukeGirl that they reeeallywould like the chocolate chip if they would just ask Daddy for a bite. Daddy? Daddy? Her ploy worked; now 2 of us like chocolate and 3 of us like chocolate chip; which brings me to the reason for this post. Now that I’m having to share the chocolate chip, it’s shelf life is noticeably shorter. I went for a bowl tonight and it wasn’t there. I retaliated by reaching for the chocolate. Mumbling something under my breath about proper family dessert hierarchy, I jammed the scoop in the middle of the chocolate ice cream and experienced what the people in the video below experience for the first 4 seconds.
Now, I know I said I don’t mind licking my knuckles every now and then, but what I do mind is going forearm deep into the carton when I’m least expecting it. I’m also not crazy about digging dried chocolate ice cream out of my arm hair for the next 4 hours. A shower, you say? Sure, but I have forearm hair like Robin Williams; it isn’t easy. When the NukeBeagles come inside and want to get warm, they lay on my forearms. I lost my keys once. For 2 days. I found them in my arm hair. Just sayin’. We tried the other way, where you open up the whole side of the carton, and while it was easier to dish, storing it was a pain; it didn’t fit on the door the right way. I know, I know; call the wahmbulance, poor NukeDad. All I’m saying is; if you’re going to convince the kids to eat my ice cream and insist on scooping from both ends of the carton, then be prepared to dig a few arm hairs out of your bowl. Love, your hairy hubby.
Leading the resistance was never easy for Sarah “Weasel” Momma. She didn’t choose to lead the last few remnants of humanity through the vast wastelands of a post apocabrewtic world; but when the cans and bottles of BudNet became self-aware at 2:14am on August 29th, 1997, her fate was sealed. AnheuserDyne Systems had developed BudNet [...]
It’s birthday time again. I started this adventure last October when I forgot to call my sister, Leta, on her birthday. To make up for my indiscretion I wrote her a happy birthday post. I followed that with posts for my brother Steve and my sister Laura. Now it’s my youngest sister Stacey’s turn. I’m [...]
Don’t the hours grow shorter as the days go by
You never get to stop and open your eyes
One day you’re waiting for the sky to fall
And next you’re dazzled by the beauty of it all
-Bruce Cockburn-
A third Boston album. Season six of The Sopranos. The Arizona Cardinals in a Super Bowl. A new post from [...]
While I’ve been noticeably absent around here lately, I felt that today was too important to not post anything. I said about all I wanted to say last year. Here it is again. Please take a moment today to remember the 9/11 victims and their families.
I had a different post ready to go for today, [...]
Got a message today from an old friend who was asking why it’s been so quiet around here lately. It got me thinking; I don’t really know why I’ve been so quiet; I’m not exactly know for being the church mouse. It’s been much busier around here lately; I’m helping coach NukeBoy1’s football team 3 [...]
As some of you may already know, the bravest person in our house when it comes to bugs and such is NukeGirl. She is fearless when it comes to all creeepy-crawlies except for spiders and bees; but then, who does like spiders and bees? We went to a Childrens’ museum once when they were having [...]
I saw a story this morning about a new doll that is causing quite an uproar. Like most dolls, it allows little girls to act all grown up. This doll, however, allows little girls to play “Mommy” in the biblical sense. It’s a breastfeeding doll. Yep, just slap on the suckling vest and go to [...]
I never figured God would pay me back for all of the bald jokes I used to dole out to my friends, but I was wrong. He believes in an eye for an eye; or, a follicle for a follicle. It happened slowly, over time, so I didn’t notice it at first. Then I realized [...]
I’m sorry, but I’m just a wee bit livid right now. Excuse me while I work something out real quick.
Do I know how WordPress works? Yes. Did I see the little Microsoft Update tab show up down bottom on my task-bar? Briefly. Did I click on it to see what was up? Ka-duh, no. Did [...]
