Curses! Foiled Again!
In this post for my sister Laura's birthday I mentioned a box that a I had made in 7th grade shop class. I had traded her that box for her Kiss-Destroyer LP. I had plans to get it back, but she sold it to a friend of mine right under my nose and made a handsome profit. She called me →
Billion Dollar Baby Bills
You'd think that the Medical Gods would have shown some pity on us this week after the fun and excitement of last week. I guess I'm just an easy mark. That, or I've seriously pissed off somebody up there and they know that the flexible spending account has been zeroed out as we wait for January 1st to arrive so we →
I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty
Well, all things considered, that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Now I know why all of those old people are smiling in those Metamucil commercials. It's amazing what a liquid diet and a couple of days without sodas and junk food can do for you. Oh, and the 2 weeks worth of laxative, forgot that part. →
Maybe We Should Have Named Them Mickey & Mallory
Buddy and Penny (The NukeBeagles) have killed 2 squirrels in the past 5 days. I don't mean like they sauntered up on an old grey drawing his last breath, I mean tracking in tandem and killing. Just like the velociraptors in Jurassic Park. "Clever girl", indeed. I'm not sure where the blood lust is coming from. OK. that's not true; →
Resolve
I had a different post ready to go for today, but it wouldn't be appropriate. I usually like to keep it light-hearted and funny, but today isn't a day for light-heartedness. I have a problem. I have a problem with those that would be happier if this day would pass as any other day; mundane, and without consequence. With those →
My Fellow Americans…
I know, I know; 4 more years of the same thing, or the ultimate unknown? McCain or Obama? How about a 3rd option that isn't Ralph Nader? How about ME! Yeah, you read it correctly! Why not? I think I have the ability to communicate with Democrats (I have 3 children) AND Republicans (I married a CPA). Before you run →
Tax Free Weekend Death Shopapalooza
I survived tax free weekend. I didn't go willingly, mind you, I just happened to be in the car when NukeMom announced that we were going to "pick up a few things" for school. First stop was Kohl's. They had a rack of t-shirts that had been picked through more than William Shatner's girdle drawer. All of the "folders" were on strike, apparently, →
What If The Baddest Dude In The House Was A Chick?
George Washington. Paul Revere. William Wallace. The 300. Nukegirl. Each of these are examples of people who will live throughout history as being the bravest of the brave. Those who when faced with adversity and challenge rose to the occasion and said; "I'll do it", who stood steadfast in the shadow of fear and said; "Go bug someone else, I'm not →
The Nukiesburg Address
On the occasion of my birthday, I thought it proper to let my Mom know that I get it now. All those times when she said; "Wait til you have kids of your own" now take on a new meaning. Getting run over by a Mack truck would have been more subtle, but, I get it now, Mom. I SAID →
Why Does Spandex Come In XXL?
This picture has obviously been photo-shopped, but it's apparent that the girl is overly blessed in the chest without the photo-shop help, and it brings up a good point. At what point do you need to be told that something you're wearing just isn't attractive? For example; I've gained enough weight over the last few years to understand that tight fitting →
I’ll Never Understand
I just found out yesterday that a friend who used to live next door to me committed suicide by cop. After hearing about what had been going on in his life, I can almost see why he would make such a desperate decision. He had an outstanding warrant for theft, and he knew it; so when the police officer saw him →
Careful With That Punctuation, Sport
Apparently Dr. Isaid No has returned from the dank slums of Eastern Europe. I was talking to Mr. and Mrs. AP the other day and they told me there had been a Doc sighting in the neighborhood. It was more than a sighting, actually, it was a full-blown encounter. Mr. & Mrs. AP did some spring cleaning and had a garage →
A Father’s Final Act Of Grace
I remember distinctly where I was the moment my father died. I was 30,000 feet in the air, somewhere over Western Mississippi or Eastern Arkansas. I was in a deep sleep due to overwork and stress from my father's rapidly deteriorating condition. It had been a rough two days; trying to decide what to do, and when to do it. →
Hey Buddy, Wanna Buy A Ribeye, Cheap?
The meat wagon pulled into my driveway the other day. I'm not talking about the county coroners' Hearse, or a burrito buggy that frequents construction sites; I'm talking a 1998 Dodge Ram 1500 with dents a plenty, peeling paint and in desperate need of a tune up. I mention the tune up only because the children who were riding their bikes up →
The Ultimate Sacrifice
I'd like you to meet a friend of mine. His name is Andy. We worked together at The State Line Restaurant in El Paso, Texas when we were growing up. Our group worked hard together and we played hard together. Once, after a fishing trip, I put the head of a catfish on Andy's pillow and left him a Mafia-esque →
The Lawnmower Hunter And Cujo The Squirrel
It has been quite the week in our neighborhood. Our male Beagle puppy; Buddy, thinks that our lawnmower is prey that needs to be hunted and killed, and our neighbor; the Assistant Principal was attacked by a squirrel. I kid you not. Attacked is maybe too strong a term; almost maimed is probably more appropriate. Both of these incidents beg →
The Hiney Pad Caper
Strange things have been happening at our house. Things have been disappearing, only to reappear somewhere else hours or even days later. Items that once belonged to one person have now become the property of another. The exchange usually takes place without the original owner even being aware that their property has been pilfered. One example of this phenomenon appeared →
The Lost Treasure Of The Incisor Madre
We had finally made it to the clearing. After a grueling trek through the space display, and battling 2 busloads of day campers in the "Make Your Own Kind of Music" exhibit, we found ourselves in Dentopia. Nukeboy2 stood frozen in his tracks, eyes fixated on the wonder of it all. Before him stood the interactive tooth table (with real drill →
Helen’s Here
Helen comes to our house every month. She only stays for a week, or so, but the effects of her visits can usually be felt a few days before she gets here, and for a few days after she leaves. She grates on NukeMom the most. It's no skin off my back, cause I can just leave the room if →
Impending Doom
The Mother-In-Law arrives tomorrow... ...need I say more?
Holy Molar!
After church today the Nuclear Family went out to eat. During the course of the meal I looked over at Nukeboy1 and saw the biggest OMG expression ever. In his hand he was holding one of his molars. It wasn't a total surprise, the tooth had been doing the Macarena in his mouth for a few days, the surprise came →
Grand Opening
We are pleased to announce the grand opening of the NFW Diaper Disposal Facility. With the Nurse hailing from New Orleans, the food in the chow hall sometimes gets a bit "flavorful". This causes problems several hours later when little Beaker needs to be changed before hitting the cot. After trying several containment measures like leftover grocery bags, zip lock sandwich →
The Demise Of The Chalk People
They roamed the hills and valleys of the driveway for days. Three days, to be exact. The tall pastel pink female was their leader. She kept them all in line. Fuchsia was her name. She ruled with an iron stick fist. She led her people through the windiest March 22nd they had ever seen. The only March 22nd they had ever →
Ant Farm: The Lost In The Mail Gel Colony
They made it! They finally got here! Well, most of them; anyway. Nukeboy2 had his heart set on an ant farm, so with the $6,000 in Toys R Us gift cards he got at Christmas, we were off. The purchase was painless, the wait for the actual ants was excruciating. See, Uncle Milton (The Ant Farm Makers) failed to →
