The Diagnosis
Well, it isn't dorsal bunions; it's bone spurs. On both feet. I WILL need surgery, but I'm OK with that; anything to keep me from walking like Jabba the Hut during a Lower GI is fine with me. The left big toe isn't nearly as bad as the right, but the fact that the range of motion on it is →
The Pollen Comes A Callin’
I have asthma and allergies. Since I possessed both, I figured I would do the smart thing and move to the worst state in the nation for allergies; North Carolina. I think there is a 2 week window in the month of January where allergy sufferers get a reprieve from the onslaught, that's it. For the other 11 1/2 months →
Snidely DoGooder And The Behavior Police
North Carolina rang in the New Year with legislation enacted on January 4th that banned smoking in all bars and restaurants. Snidely DoGooder, economist and Job Destruction Czar for the state of North Carolina summed it up this way; "For too long the evil tobacco companies provided our country with over 15 Billion dollars and our state with over 171 Million →
I Scream, You Scream…Yada, Yada, Yada
I've got issues with NukeMom. It's nothing major, just a little food faux pas that drives me crazy. She's an Ice Cream Candlewicker. Don't Google that, I just made it up. What exactly is an Ice Cream Candlewicker you ask? She's one of those people that will only dig half way through the 1/2 gallon carton when dishing ice cream. →
The Weasel Momma Chronicles
Leading the resistance was never easy for Sarah “Weasel" Momma. She didn't choose to lead the last few remnants of humanity through the vast wastelands of a post apocabrewtic world; but when the cans and bottles of BudNet became self-aware at 2:14am on August 29th, 1997, her fate was sealed. AnheuserDyne Systems had developed BudNet for the United States Grocery →
Great Moments In Incredibly Inappropriate Children’s Birthday Gifts
I saw a story this morning about a new doll that is causing quite an uproar. Like most dolls, it allows little girls to act all grown up. This doll, however, allows little girls to play "Mommy" in the biblical sense. It's a breastfeeding doll. Yep, just slap on the suckling vest and go to town. I am an advocate →
A Part Used To Run Through It
I never figured God would pay me back for all of the bald jokes I used to dole out to my friends, but I was wrong. He believes in an eye for an eye; or, a follicle for a follicle. It happened slowly, over time, so I didn't notice it at first. Then I realized that it was more than →
Hospital Update
To fully tell this story will take more time than I have right now, but I wanted to let everyone know where we are. NukeBoy2 had his EEG yesterday, and his MRI and MRA this morning. The MRA is when they inject a dye in the body to see the blood vessels. Those were completed this morning, and the Neurologist →
The Love/Hate Dilemma
It started out innocent enough. I'd heard everyone talking about her. She was the new girl; she seemed nice. All of my friends knew her and talked well of her, but I hadn't been introduced yet. I took my sweet time getting around to it, but when we finally met, we hit it off right away. I liked her energy. →
Lest We Forget
The three day weekend of Memorial Day has always signified the beginning of summer for Americans, but I think it is important not to forget its true significance. It is a time to say thank you to those brave men and women who have given their lives to protect our way of life. I heard it put best by Zell →
Blunk’d
I was mercilessly attacked yesterday. My character was assaulted by four, count 'em, FOUR fellow bloggers! They beat me with the parody stick and then threw my bloodied carcass into the pond of satire, leaving me for dead. But it didn't happen; I'M STILL HERE! And like Michael Myers, I shall have my revenge. Granted, I'm not a 7 foot →
You Should See The Other Guy
NukeBoy2 learned a valuable lesson the other day. His Mother and I have always tried to teach him to stand up for himself. "There will be times that you may need to defend yourself" we've told him "so be ready if the time comes." We told him to stand his ground. I guess we forgot to tell him that the →
Attack Of The Killer Cosmetics Saleslady
THE STORY YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS TRUE. ONLY THE NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE OVER-ZEALOUS. This is the big box store. Sam's Wholesale Club. I shop here. I carry a membership card. My name is Dad. NukeDad. It was a warm spring morning in the Carolinas. The kind of morning that makes you wish you'd stayed in →
Scrabble With The Kindergartener
There's nothing like a rainy day to help expand the mind. It was just NukeGirl and I at home, so she said; "Hey, Dad, want to play a game?" I thought she would pull out something easy like Connect 4 or Chutes and Ladders; instead she pulled out Scrabble. "Are you sure you want to play that game Honey?" I →
The Ebola Virus Couldn’t Be Worse
A 48 hour stomach virus has swept through the NukeHousehold. Dividing and conquering like Genghis Khan storming through China, with nary a Great Wall in site. It hit NukeBoy2 first. It was easy to blame it on the blueberry slurpee and 12 pack of starburst he ate in less than 10 minutes. Those, by themselves, would have been no problem; →
No JC Penny On This Mall
The NukeFamily spent the weekend in DC. We went to the Mall. The one without the stores. It was my first trip, but it won't be my last. Although the weather was overcast with light rain, it actually kept the crowds down and made navigating the monuments easier. The Smithsonian was having their Annual Kite Festival at the foot of →
A Bird In The Mouth Is Worth Two In The Paw
Did you hear that they finally found the gene that causes shyness? They would have found it sooner, but it was hiding behind some other genes. In related news; the murder of 4 rednecks remains unsolved as all of the DNA is the same and there is no dental record. Speaking of teeth; what has 12 tits and 26 teeth? →
Two Tales Of A City: Part II
Previously I told you about the Women of Juarez and how they are being slaughtered in numbers that should be too big to ignore. I intimated that maybe the authorities aren't as culpable as it would seem. The reason for that goes beyond the corruption that has plagued Mexico for decades. In recent years, it has less to do with →
The Off-Season
I'm getting all geared up to coach NukeBoy1's flag football team again this year, and I'm wondering about the time commitment. Will I be able to spare the 1 hour a week needed for practice? Will the 2 hours spent in the sun on Sunday afternoon become too tedious? I'm toying with the options. I know that I'll be spending →
Have Fun Storming The Castle
NukeBoy1 had a Social Studies project that required him to do a report on Medieval times. The choices were varied and they could choose weapons if they wanted. He chose catapults. We found some plans on-line and built a variation of the Onager catapult. This one was called; "The Troll". We call it The Widow Maker. It took a re-design →
If You Give A Hobo A Porkchop
The NukeKids have a myriad of children's books; we've been accumulating them since NukeBoy1 was born. We've got most of the classics; Dr. Suess, Charlotte's Web, Sarah Boynton, whose titles If You Give A Mouse A Cookie and If You Give A Pig A Pancake inspired the title of this post. Lately I've been relegated to the role of "Assistant →
Phished To Death
I guess some lessons have to be learned the hard way. This was hard. My computer melted down 2 days ago. Everything I tried to correct the virus problem I was being assaulted with failed. I had to call in the infantry. His name was Jaime. He spent 3 hours de-bugging my system on Thursday. We got back online and →
Subdued (a little) Gloating
This post is more an appeasement to WeaselMomma and her desire for a victory dance than it is a slight to Momo Fali and her Buckeyes. Let's be real; if there had been 2 more minutes on the clock last night this might be a very different post. So; here is the victory dance for WeaselMomma. I hate this song, but →
A Dream For Momo
Dear Momo, Poor, sweet, delusional Momo. I know that you think your Buckeyes have a shot tonight, but I need to remind you of something. It's after January 1st. Everyone knows that Ohio State can't win football games in January. Well, the ones that count, anyway. Don't get too down, though; I want you to keep your dreams alive! You'll still have →
