Redeployment Is Not An Option

What Fits Into Mother Russia?



NukeGirl lost her first tooth the other day.  It was a long road to extraction, but when I noticed that it was laying back at a 45 degree angle in relation to the rest of her teeth, and that it was black, I told her maybe it was time to try another tug.  She had been toying with it for days.  At the dinner table: “Daddy!  Look!”  I’d glance up from my plate to see her tongue rotating the tooth back and forth, manipulating it like a NASCAR driver downshifting going into turn 3.  “That’s nice, honey, but I’m trying to enjoy my dinner and that isn’t making it any easier.”  Being that it was her first loose tooth, she was a little unclear on the concept.  We went to dinner one night, and after a four and a half year precedent of ordering fries with her meal, she decides she wants corn on the cob.  The next day she asked for an apple in her lunch.  She hates apples.  Maybe nature gives us that extra nudge to request things to eat that it knows will get that sucker out of there and take away the pain.  I remember as a kid, I once lost a molar to an over exuberant Sugar Daddy.  It got stuck back there and I pulled and I pulled and I pulled, and it wouldn’t come out.  I twisted, I yanked, I twisted and yanked.  It was…well, it was like pulling teeth, I guess.  After about 5 minutes I finally got it out and immediately noticed that this particular Sugar Daddy tasted like crap.  The taste, of course, was the 1/2 liter of blood that was now mixing with the chocolate and caramel of my candy.  I looked at the Sugar Daddy and saw my molar sticking out of it.  Cool, I thought; a dollar!  I don’t think I’ve had a Sugar Daddy since.

The experience did teach me that caramel is good for getting out stubborn teeth.  Later I used a box of Milk Duds to extract another molar, and a Brach’s caramel chew to eradicate an incisor.  My dentist lost money on me that year.  I also remember the weirdness of running your tongue in the gap where your tooth used to be.  NukeGirl has discovered that as well.  “Daddy! Look!”  I look up to see a tiny piece of her tiny little tongue peeking through where her tooth used to be.  Then she went and got a Capri Sun and realized that she could lock her jaw and still drink it; she just slides the straw in the hole where her tooth was.  She thinks this is the coolest thing in the world.  “DADDY! LOOK!”  I look up to see her, jaw clenched tighter than a Rottweiler, with a straw stuck through the gap and can’t help but join her in uproarious laughter.  She tried her pinkie finger, and while it can be wedged in there, she learned the painful lesson that she can’t clench her teeth.  She also tried a pencil and almost lost the 2 neighbors.  “Daddy! Ow!”  Since then I’ve caught her with her toothbrush, a hair barrette, a bigger straw and a paper towel folded to various thicknesses.  She just keeps folding until either she can’t fold anymore, or it won’t fit anymore.  She’s doing all she can to find out exactly what will and will not fit where her tooth used to be.  It made me think of an old skit from SCTV; the great Canadian show that gave us John Candy, Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas, Catherine O’Hara and many others, called; “What Fits In Mother Russia.”  It was a recurring skit that featured Dave Thomas as a Russian who got great delight figuring out what countries could fit inside the footprint of the Soviet Union.  The video is below.  One of my first posts ever was a tooth post-you can click here if you want to read it. Enjoy.

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8 Responses Subscribe to comments

  1. Tara R.

    Oh the joys of that first lost tooth! I remember my parents telling me if I didn’t stick my tongue in the hole left by my missing baby tooth, the permanent tooth would grow in gold. I never made it to gold.

    (NukeDad) Ha! You could have been the original gangsta, sister!

    Tara R.´s last blog ..Trapped in the amber of the moment… My ComLuv Profile

    Feb 26, 2010 @ 9:05 am

  2. WeaselMomma

    You lost a molar to a Sugar Daddy? Interesting.
    I lost way more than that to a Sugar Daddy. Oh, wait. That’s not what you meant. =)

    (NukeDad) I knew you’d go there. I left the door open just a tad and you walk right through it!

    WeaselMomma´s last blog ..Olympic Parenting My ComLuv Profile

    Feb 26, 2010 @ 9:56 am

  3. WeaselMomma

    BTW, NukeGirl is cute as a button. Actually cuter. Buttons aren’t that cute & I don’t know how that phrase ever came to be.

    (NukeDad) Me neither-Wait; just went and looked it up. They think what they meant by button was a flower bud, not a button on clothing. Still seems a little out there….

    WeaselMomma´s last blog ..Olympic Parenting My ComLuv Profile

    Feb 26, 2010 @ 9:57 am

  4. BBD

    R.I.P. SCTV! I miss Count Floyd. I wonder if they have Sugar Daddies in Mother Russia, and if Alex Ovechkin has had a few too many. ThingOne has almost an identical gap right now but unlike Nukegirl this is only the first on the bottom, the top row is long gone.

    (NukeDad) Ha, ha, Monster Chiller Horror Theater was great. That had to be the original inspiration for Mystery Science Theater 3000. “Whispers of the Wolf” still cracks me up-showing kids a “scary” Ingmar Bergman film.

    BBD´s last blog ..I Believe, eh! My ComLuv Profile

    Feb 26, 2010 @ 10:41 am

  5. Melisa

    Congrats on that tooth loss! (hers, not yours)

    I LOVE SCTV; in fact, I recently put it into my Netflix queue so I can show the boys the joys of the Great White North.

    (NukeDad) It was a great show, wasn’t it? That was at the same time that SNL was horrible. Well, Eddie Murphy was good, but he left soon after.

    Melisa´s last blog ..Shrinkage My ComLuv Profile

    Feb 26, 2010 @ 10:47 am

  6. seashore

    I never thought to give my kids a sugardaddy to extract a tooth, but the tip may come in handy for Boy.

    Now, if you can only let me know how to hurry tooth development I’ll be all set! (Youngest is very upset that she hasn’t lost one yet, and gives a daily run-down on which kindergartners have loose teeth.)

    (NukeDad) Big Hunk works well too. Don’t know what to tell you on the development-my 9 year old just got his 6 year molars last year-he feels like he’s behind the times.

    seashore´s last blog ..Dad Does What? My ComLuv Profile

    Feb 27, 2010 @ 8:00 am

  7. Keith Wilcox

    I totally remember that show! Oh, man, thanks for that memory!

    My boy has lost a few teeth this past year and now he can’t pronounce his s’s anymore. Too many gaps. :-) heheheh.

    (NukeDad) Isn’t it: “thee, thee, thee?” I loved Count Floyd. “Ooooh! Scary, kids!”

    Keith Wilcox´s last blog ..Guns N’ Roses is Classic Rock!? My ComLuv Profile

    Mar 03, 2010 @ 12:47 pm

  8. Otter

    That is why I hate sugar daddies and sugar babies and all that sticky crap. You can’t eat them. You have to spend the rest of your night trying to get them off your teeth.

    (NukeDad) The only ones I can even try to eat anymore are milk duds. I’m on my 4th crown on one of my molars and I’m not crazy about having to replace it again.

    Otter´s last blog ..Father and Son Time My ComLuv Profile

    Mar 03, 2010 @ 4:32 pm


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