Who Are Those Guys?

PICK YOUR DIAPER!

I’ve noticed a trend recently in web ads. The days of the dancing cowboys are over. So are the days of the dancing alien. Actually, they’ve been over for a while, but the good folks at Lower My Bills dot com have changed tactics once again to continue to bring you ads that have absolutely nothing to do with the product they are selling. Oh, sure, we’ll always have the 50 states abbreviated in everything from snails, emoticons and baby diapers to keep us company, but the flash ads of dancing silhouettes on rooftops and gyrating robots may be gone for good. See, when they had those ads running back in 2007, they had reason to dance: they were making a killing getting people to refinance mortgages, consolidate debt, etc.; now, not so much. Now that the bubble they helped create has exploded, they are going a different route; the route of down-on-your-luckism.

CLEAN YOUR WINDOW FOR YOU?

Their ads now all feature pictures of men who look like homeless people. The message says; Contact us now before you end up looking like this! They seem upset too, like they can’t believe that YOU haven’t refinanced yet. They’re even starting to blame the government for forcing you to ignore the help that the government is offering you; or something like that. “…homeowners fail to refinance….government urges Americans to pay down credit card debt….you may qualify for auto insurance discounts…” aren’t you people listening? Did you know that only 85,000 of you have taken advantage of the governments housing relief program? What’s wrong with you idiots? Don’t you want to refinance the remaining 12 years of your mortgage into a more manageable 30 year adjustable rate mortgage that will lower your payment by $65 dollars a month? Come on! Get with the program!

MADAM TUSSAUDS ESCAPEE?

I’m having a hard time believing that one of these guys is even a real person at all. See the guy in glasses? He looks like one of those skulls that has had a facial reconstruction anthropologist go to town on it. I think I saw him on an episode of Forensic Files once. Either that, or he’s a dolled up version of Australopithecus with a forehead shave and Dame Edna glasses. One guy looks like a lumberjack serial killer and another looks like the guy that tries to spit-shine your windshield at traffic lights. Is the subliminal message supposed to be; “Look, we know that things are bad and you can barely pay your mortgage; hell, you can’t even afford a razor!”? I guess a picture of a family in respectable clothing and a golden retriever laying in front of them doesn’t sell a lot of mortgage re-fi’s. The key is to make people think; “I know I’ve got it bad, but look at that poor sap!”

HOBBIES? WELL, I DO LIKE TO RULE FRANCE, ON OCCASION

I thought I had seen it all until yesterday when a pop up ad shimmied it’s way underneath my Firefox firewall. There is a VERY generous man out there who wants to make me a millionaire! He is so worldly and has done so many good things in his life helping people that I just KNOW that I’m next! His name is Simon Zuckenberg; don’t bother googling him, because you’ll come up empty! Not only is he a totally selfless philanthropist, he also hates attention, so he makes sure that all of his good deeds go unnoticed. He invented ebay and Adobe, even though other people claim to have. The piece de resistance? He is also the PRESIDENT OF FRANCE! I KNOW! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!? Yeah, me neither. Unreal. Some joker puts out an ad with a picture of President Sarkozy, throws some ebay and Adobe logos on it and will probably make millions in the process. While I enjoy the entertainment aspect of it, I can’t help but feel a little sleazy every time I see one of those ads. At least I have the comfort of knowing that I’ve never been duped by one of them. Ooh, look at the time! Gotta go; I still have 8 more units to sell before my Acai Berry downline gets fully vested!

Launch It:

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010 at 5:18 pm and is filed under Guess It'll Have To Go Here. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

WeaselMomma

Dude. You mean to tell me that I am not going to be rich and that my $500 investment is for naught?

(NukeDad) Fear not, for I have some land in Florida that I would love to show you…

WeaselMomma´s last blog ..Recipe For A Successful Morning

Feb 02, 2010 @ 6:11 pm

Mr. Man

You post actually make sense out of the sheer nonsense of these ads. Thanks for showing me ads of products I’ll make sure not to buy.

(NukeDad) I just think that programs like these exacerbate the problem and make it worse. Plus the company is owned by one of the credit reporting bureau’s. Conflict of interest?

Mr. Man´s last blog ..25 Things We Can Do To Become Better Citizens and Parents

Feb 03, 2010 @ 12:55 am

seashore

So we’ve gone from selling the American dream to selling the what? American nightmare? It’s a strange strange world!

(NukeDad) Everyone has been trained and told that living on credit and worrying about things later is the way to live. Oops, looks like it’s catching up to us….
seashore´s last blog ..Treat or Terror?

Feb 03, 2010 @ 6:53 am

Clark Kent's Lunchbox

I think those three pics are all the same guy. He just goes in the back and they redo his getup. In any case, those likenesses, which remind me of pedophiles, don’t exactly inspire me to take the bait.

(NukeDad) If not the same guy, I think they found them all in the same neighborhood. I think that first guy was on “To Catch a Predator”

Clark Kent’s Lunchbox´s last blog ..A Second Round Of Sugar Milk With John Cave Osborne

Feb 03, 2010 @ 10:33 am

PJ Mullen

I also love the “Obama says…” ads, don’t remember which slimy wannabe mortgage refinance operation puts them out, but I feel bad for all the people that see this crap and think it’s legit. Maybe if the government program that does this wasn’t crap or people actually had an equity left in their homes these ads would get lost. And as far as Simon goes, he won’t return any of my emails anymore. I wonder if it is something I said.

(NukeDad) I found some of those as well from this same company. Simon has been busy; he’s had France to rule and his new wife Carla Bruni to look after…

PJ Mullen´s last blog ..This. Looks. Awesome.

Feb 03, 2010 @ 10:35 am

Janie Woods

LMAO! Second guy? The tagline should be, “Refinancing…So easy a caveman can do!”

(NukeDad) He does look like a clean-shaven Geico Caveman, doesn’t he?

Janie Woods´s last blog ..Stick It, Tuesday!!

Feb 03, 2010 @ 12:00 pm

Tom

That guy with the oversized glasses, distant stare and poorly applied lower dentures shows up in other ads too.

The thing that amazes me is that there truly are some poor suckers out there whose eyeballs fall upon these ads and think “That’s for me! Where do I sign up?”

As for me, I feel just a tad queasy when these ads show up on my monitor.

(NukeDad) I sure wish that an epidemic of common sense would sicken the whole country; then maybe we could dig ourselves out of this mess that we let happen.

Tom´s last blog ..The Book

Feb 03, 2010 @ 12:10 pm

Melisa

I knew there was a real reason why I should make sure the photos I put on Facebook are Private.

What is wrong with people??

(NukeDad) My thoughts exactly; for all we know, our profile pics could be selling adult diapers in China.

Melisa´s last blog ..This PSA Brought To You By "This Full House"

Feb 03, 2010 @ 1:11 pm

Keith Wilcox

I swear these affiliate guys drive me nuts. They’re mostly a bunch of con artists and spammers. It’s a really shady underworld of internet marketing. There are a bunch of crosses between this business, porn and outright spam. It’s all the same people doing it. There are ones who aren’t scammy, but they get drowned out by the ones who make more money by being dishonest.

(NukeDad) It gets humorous at times, then at other times it’s just plain maddening. The picture of French President Sarkozy just put me over the edge; then they give some fictional guy credit for starting ebay and Adobe? I don’t know how they get away with it.

Keith Wilcox´s last blog ..School Bus Safety: Yeah Right

Feb 05, 2010 @ 8:51 pm