Head Trauma! In A Box!

There is a new product on the market sure to keep your insurance card busy. They’re called Fun Slide Carpet Skates, or, as I like to call them; “Suture City!” I’m not sure how long they’ve been around, but I saw the commercial for the first time tonight. Basically, what you have here is berber ice skates. Kids, or drunk adults, can place these things on their feet and enjoy countless hours of fun, compound fractures, blunt force trauma and possible arterial spray. Just strap these bad boys to your feet and go zooming across the carpet at breakneck speed. Well, breakneck may be an exaggeration, but speed isn’t exactly your biggest problem if you’re out of control and headed for the entertainment center or the coffee table. Oh, or the fireplace, can’t forget the fireplace. It’s usually made out of brick and it is notoriously unforgiving. There’s a reason the ice skating rink doesn’t line the outside of the rink with living and dining room suites; they use walls. Did you ever see Wayne Gretzky achieve a hat trick after negotiating an ottoman, a china hutch and an end table? I didn’t think so. I was the undisputed cranial catastrophe champion when I was little and I can tell you; furniture, kids and Scooby-Doo feet are a bad combination. The video on their site does tell kids to WALK down the stairs, but we’ve all seen Home Alone and know the probability of that happening. Besides, Kevin McCallister’s journey down the stairs and out the front door probably took at least 12 takes and 5 stunt doubles. The carnage was edited out. Before you accuse me of being an old fuddy-duddy who doesn’t want the kids to have any fun inside; understand that the above stated championship was for getting stitches in my head 8 times before I was 6 years old. I was 0 and 2 against the fireplace and the coffee table and I split a double header. I mean, I split my head open 2 times on the coffee table, or; well, you get my drift-I had a painful childhood. All of that being said; if the makers of the Fun Slides Carpet Skates happen to find this post-they’re welcome to try and change my mind. If they want to send a pair for testing, the NukeKids and I will be glad to oblige. I’ll even show you the video. Or my stitches. Or the video of how I came to need stitches; whatever the scenario, I can guarantee you it’ll be entertaining. At least for those without a mild concussion and scalp staples.

Launch It:

This entry was posted on Friday, January 8th, 2010 at 11:21 pm and is filed under Guess It'll Have To Go Here. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

WeaselMomma

I want to go for the easy joke, but it’s just too easy and you would lose respect me (set up for easy retort).

I have seen these on commercials and in the store and agree that they would surely keep ERs across the county counting the Benjamins.

(NukeDad) I’m sure they’re a blast, but with my luck I’d become the first carpet skate fatality.

WeaselMomma´s last blog ..Am I really a Minority?

Jan 09, 2010 @ 5:19 am

seashore

Maybe the makers are under the mistaken opinion that homeowners have carpeted empty rooms in their homes. (But it would be funny to put them on some drunk adults!)

(NukeDad) That’s exactly what I was thinking; give me a room with no furniture and I’d slide all day!

seashore´s last blog ..Shy People Need Dogs

Jan 09, 2010 @ 8:12 am

Tara R.

My kid doesn’t have the carpet skates, but we did get him the new Tony Hawk Wii skateboard for Christmas. We’ll have to see if we need to put padded bumpers around the living room furniture.

FYI – super glue works wonders on head wounds. (My boy is 0-1 with the hearth too.)

(NukeDad) My head was like a blunt-trauma seeking missile when I was a kid. I know; that explains a lot, doesn’t it?

Tara R.´s last blog ..Patina

Jan 09, 2010 @ 8:36 am

PJ Mullen

And somewhere a product liability attorney is licking their chops over this product.

While I didn’t have that many, I did have some doozies on a doorknob, my parents headboard (at the ripe old age of 12 months, still have the scar!) and one of those big old zenith televisions with the solid oak cabinets that had nice and pointy edges.

(NukeDad) If you played “connect the dots” with all of the scar tissue on my head you’d have an outline of Eastern Europe, Russia and 34% of China.

PJ Mullen´s last blog ..I refuse to use my powers for evil

Jan 09, 2010 @ 11:31 am

mr storage

I dunno, I kinda like the idea of them. Though an empty, developed basement would be a definite asset.
And I wonder how much static electricity one could develop while skating around on a pair of those? That could definitely increase the enjoyment.

(NukeDad) I totally agree-I’m sure they are a blast, but I’ll bet most people don’t have room in their house for sliding kids. An empty basement would be perfect, but not a very good use of the space. The static electricity would be awesome! You could reach SuperHero status I’ll bet! “ThunderVolt” or “1.21 Gigawatt Man” or something like that.

mr storage´s last blog ..My Grandpa Died

Jan 09, 2010 @ 2:29 pm

Keith Wilcox

The first time we saw things like that was in the St. Paul children’s museum 4 years ago. They were using them in an exhibit about ice (simulating slipperiness). I thought at the time how stupid they would be in a house because the kids were nearly killing themselves with them in a wide open museum exhibit. Just think what they would do with a coffee table in the middle!

(NukeDad) EXACTLY my point. I’m sure they’re a blast, but you put sharp corners and hard edges in the mix and you’re bound to get an ER visit out of the deal.

Keith Wilcox´s last blog ..Levels of Maturity

Jan 09, 2010 @ 7:50 pm

Tom

This is why we have Avocado green deep-pile shag carpeting throughout our house. No monkeyshines like that for our children!

I will be intrigued to see if they come out with the “Stairboard” though – that ought to bring the local ERs numbers up.

(NukeDad) Avocado green? My favorite color! And shag to boot! Whoo hoo! Who says you can’t still live in the 70′s! Thanks for this Brady Bunch moment Tom.

Tom´s last blog ..The First Day

Jan 12, 2010 @ 11:59 am