I Am Become Mario Kart, Destroyer Of Worlds
The NukeKids got a Wii for Christmas. Guess who is now obsessed with conquering Mario Kart and every stinking one of his unholy giant duck, cow in the middle of the road, turtle tossing levels? Yep; it’s me. I will slay Mario Kart or I will die trying. Here’s the deal: the NukeKids have played Mario Kart many times before at a friends house, but I had never seen it until a month ago when we were in Florida visiting Grandma and Grandpa (yes, Grandma and Grandpa have their own Wii, it’s just how they roll), so I’m understandably a little oblivious with the Mario Mojo. My inexperience garners no sympathy from the NukeKids as evidenced by my severe beat down by NukeGirl, who swept our initial 3 race series by a margin so great that I’m embarrassed to even tell you how big it was.
I read an article recently that said the number one cause of divorce is no longer money problems; it’s a red tortoise shell bank shot that knocks ones spouse out of first place. I can see where that can happen, based on the change in the family dynamic these last 4 days. The Nuke Family is competitive by nature; Mario Kart just may make us militant too. Fangs gnash, claws come out, audible growls are the norm; we’re hooked! Just yesterday I was told by one Nuke Child (who will remain nameless) that the throwing of a steering wheel at a sibling was “an accident.” “I was just passing it to them, gosh!” Airborne Wii remotes that hit your sibling in the head are now classified as “your turn” in my house.
I’m getting used to some of it; I understand now that while getting “The Bullet” is cool because you get to go fast and you don’t have to steer, it really isn’t that cool because what it means is that you are either in last place or pretty darn close. I already knew that if you hit a cow in the road that it would be painful, I just never realized that it would make your car do a back flip and make you yell; “Yoo-Hoo!” Squid squirt ink, knew that; dodging moving cars in the middle of the road makes your adrenaline escalate, check; and driving through mud or neck-deep snow is hard, gotcha. I know that I’m a total Mario Kart newbie, and that this may bore those of you that already have a Wii, but it’s so darn addicting that I just had to share! Here’s a short video for those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about. Look for “The Bullet” near the end. It’ll have white arms and a menacing smile. I know. Work with me here.
Keith Wilcox
Okay, listen up because I’ll tell you how to win that damn game
It’s actually a good thing to be near last place on the last lap of the race. You coast through the finish and take over the lead with one of those cheap bullet things or a gold mushroom at the last second. You’ll find in the upper levels that even if you’re in first place with ten yards to go that some jackass always overtakes you at the end. Oh, it’ll piss you off and you’ll swear the machine is cheating (which it is of course). I won the game a few months ago, but it took a lot of frustration. 
Have fun!
(NukeDad) At this point it doesn’t matter if I’m first or last; my kids always find a way to beat me at the last second. It sure is fun though!
Keith Wilcox´s last blog ..For More Information Please Contact…
Dec 28, 2009 @ 4:11 pm
Otter
I got Arica a Wii for Christmas and I have been playing it too much. I think it is best that I just go back to my PS3 and leave her to the Wii. I prefer PS3 anyway.
(NukeDad) It’s fun, but I think you’re right; give me Halo on the Xbox 360 and I’m happy.
Otter´s last blog ..One Year and 200 Posts
Dec 28, 2009 @ 4:37 pm
Melisa
I nearly threw up watching that; I guess I’m old or something. I prefer the original Donkey Kong with the stand-up arcade setup. (Groan.)
We don’t have a Wii but play Mario Kart all the time on the Nintendo DS. I guess it’s more my speed because I don’t feel like throwing up when I play it. It’s really fun!
(NukeDad) The old arcade games were cool; remember Tron? I tried to explain the old Mattel Electronics games to the NukeBoy’s and they looked at me like I had just regurgitated a hamster.
Melisa´s last blog ..Wherever, Together.
Dec 28, 2009 @ 8:07 pm
WeaselMomma
Impressive use of a semi-colon.
I feel your pain. I have spent the days since Christmas helping SpongeBob, Sandy and Patrick save Bikini Bottom on the XBOX.
Wii Rocks.
(NukeDad) Not bad for a partial colon, eh? I almost know how and when to use them; oops.; I mean, ; oh, forget it.
WeaselMomma´s last blog ..Anything But A Silent Night
Dec 29, 2009 @ 10:51 am
Clark Kent's Lunchbox
Bwahahaha! I’m laughing so hard right now because I thought our family was the only one going through this right now. My wife’s a video game junkie, so I got her Super Mario Brothers Wii for Christmas and it’s been a nut house ever since. It allows for 4 players, which my wife also refers to as playing in “divorce mode.” That and she utters cuss words I haven’t heard since my Army days.
Good luck and hang in there. May the best Mario win!
(NukeDad) “Divorce Mode”, that is too funny. The kids know that if they want to expand to 4 remotes and all out family warfare that they are going to have to pay for them with their Christmas/Birthday money. 2 family members at each others throats is plenty right now.
Clark Kent’s Lunchbox´s last blog ..A Short List Of 2009′s Favorites
Dec 31, 2009 @ 12:26 pm
Tom
We bought Michael the Wall*E game for the Wii for Christmas. He played it for exactly twelve seconds before asking for his mom’s help. She took over and life hasn’t been the same since. The woman is obsessed with getting that creepy little robot through piles of trash without sinking in lakes of radioactive goo.
Between the two of us, we’ve managed to complete a few stages, but only at the expense of our vocal chords, dignity, at least one bottle of tequila and my right foot (which sent the ottoman flying on one occasion).
We like the Wii, and most of the games… but this one is beyond frustrating. I bought it used, and I’m beginning to understand why the previous owner returned it. I’m sure there was blood and strong medication involved.
(NukeDad) I may have to go pick that up! Sounds like fun and it will help me get my tequila intake up.
Jan 04, 2010 @ 6:08 pm