Wedding Beer Blues

Well, I figured I’d better get something up here since I’ve been home for more than 24 hours.  My trip back home to El Paso was great; I got to see family and old friends and I gained some family and friends while I was there.  Little sister Stacey and Alvaro (the bride and groom) are now basking on the beaches of Mexico in their haz-mat suits and masks, walking gingerly through the villages and beaches trying to avoid the Swine Flu, or H1N1, or whatever the heck they’re calling it this week.  Is it still a pandemic?  Isn’t it supposed to wipe us all out quicker than Captain Trips in The Stand? I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop but the first one isn’t even tied yet.  They say it’s a pandemic, then they say don’t offend the pigs in Arkansas by calling it The Swine Flu.  I guess it’s OK to offend the letters H and N, though, they don’t have any lobbyists in Washington, D.C. looking out for their interests.  Where’s Johnnie Cochran (Jackie Chiles?) when you need him?  Oh, yeah; that’s right, he’s in the middle of re-negotiating his representation contract with Michael Jackson.

It was a fabulous time and I’m sure you’ll be hearing plenty more about it in the near future.  I was glad to get home to NukeMom and the NukeKids On The Block; I missed them terribly.  We are already planning a trip back for next summer so they can all enjoy the best Mexican food in the world just like I did.  And BBQ.  And Michelob  Ultra.  Well, maybe no Ultra for the kids, but NukeMom would probably enjoy one or two.  Or thirty; like I did.  OK, OK; it wasn’t thirty, it just felt like it.  I learned a couple of things about Michelob Ultra while I was home: 1) Ultra sounds very similar to ‘otra’ ; which means; ‘another’ in Spanish.  The bartender; Moises, spoke limited English, so my journeys to his domain turned comical (I thought I was being funny) when I would say; “Otra Ultra, Moises!” and would walk away with one, or sometimes two beers.  This became problematic later in the evening when I was trying to remember how many beers I had had and whether or not I should order ‘otra’ one.  I lost count when I had to take a shoe and sock off and decided that one more wouldn’t hurt anybody, which brings me to realization number two.  2) Michelob Ultra presents itself as a ‘light’ beer that can be consumed while playing a round of golf, working in the garden, or even running a marathon.  Put a six-pack in your pockets during your next Triathlon.  Being that I haven’t partied like it’s 1999 since, well, 1989; I was a bit rusty on the execution.  My math dilemma notwithstanding, Ultra can pack a punch if it is consumed in even numbers or small groups.  I don’t drink beer anymore; well, not in any quantity at least.  An occasional beer or two on the porch every couple of months is about the extent of it for me.  That being said, I guess you could classify me as one of those ’social drinkers’; one who only consumes alcohol (in limited quantities, mind you) at office parties, dinner parties or the occasional neighborhood get together.  With that in mind, understand that I will not allow you to say that I was “drunk” at my sisters wedding no matter what WeaselMomma tells you (Click on my favorites).  If you’re going to accuse me of anything, accuse me of being too social.  That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.  Try and reply to a tweet at 1:30am after consuming copious amounts of Michelob Ultra and your fingers will swell to the size of Johnsonville Bratwursts and the keyboard keys will look like Pez candies.  Nope, typing after that many Michelob Ultras isn’t recommended.  Realization number 3)  If you go to a party and the bartender only speaks Spanish and they have a choice between Ultra and Bud Light; I’d go with the Bud Light.  The math is so much easier.  Trust me on this one.