A Whiter Shade Of Pale

campravenkknob2

I’ve found the ultimate diet plan. You’re guaranteed to lose 12 pounds in 2 1/2 days. It’s called; “The Scout Camp Diet” and it works. I should know, because I invented it over the latter part of last week. All that is required to make this diet work is to hike 12 to 15 miles per day in 90 degree heat. Results will increase if you start the plan in the rain and end it in 60 percent humidity. Night chills and subsequent night sweats are just part of the exultation you will feel while on this plan. Need to lose 3 pounds before dinner? Easy, just hike to dinner. Need to knock off a few pounds before bedtime? Basic, just hike the 39 percent grade up the hill to your campsite after dinner. Still feeling a little thick around the waist? No problem! Just hike to breakfast tomorrow, back to your campsite, then to the other side of the camp, then all the way BACK to the dining hall for lunch, over to the other extreme border of the camp, then BACK to the dining hall one more time for dinner. See? Easy as pie. Don’t worry about what kind of pie it is, because you’ll be sweating it off as you eat it. And don’t you fret about the time commitment; it’ll only take you from reveille at 7am until taps at 10pm to accomplish your goals. Who needs all those fancy fad diets when you can just have your kid join the scouts? Call now and receive our bonus “How to Survive Camp on Just 6 T-shirts a Day” video. Operators are standing by.

BOULDERING ROOM

Truth be told, it wasn’t that bad. Don’t misunderstand; I did lose 12 pounds, that wasn’t an exaggeration, and I did sweat like a pig in a Louisiana bayou, but I sure had fun doing it. NukeBoy2 had the time of his life. I never went to any kind of camp when I was young, scout or otherwise, so the experience was new to me as well. The venue was Camp Raven Knob in the foothills of North Carolina near the Virginia border. Beautiful area. The scouts have about 3,200 acres to call their own up there, and I think I saw every single one of them. OK, that was an exaggeration, but it sure felt like I hiked the whole thing. There was archery, rappelling, bouldering, mystery meat, BB gun range, nature trail, aquatics, something that resembled chicken and fishing. NukeBoy2 learned how to shoot with a bow and arrow, I learned that tree roots get taller in the dark. NukeBoy2 learned which leaves come from which trees, I learned that daddy long-legs spiders can hide under a toilet seat and crawl upside down across your nether regions. NukeBoy2 learned how to rock climb sideways, I learned that a herd of carpenter ants, with the right motivation, can find their way into a tent no matter how well you zip it up. No, I didn’t leave food in the tent, I’m not that much of a newbie.

NUKEBOY HOOD?

The efficiency of the camp blew me away. Three times a day they would move over 1,000 people through the dining hall, feed them and have the place cleaned up and empty in under an hour. I’m not kidding. It was unreal. The Boy Scouts that were working the camp worked their butts off. They were teaching the Cub Scouts during their sessions, working the kitchen line or floor during meal time and manning the counter at the trading post and snack bar. It was a great experience; NukeBoy2 is already talking about our “next” trip up there. He thinks it’ll be next summer, I haven’t told him yet that it’s actually going to be in November. I’ll post then about the wonders and excitement of hiking and sleeping in snow. The best part of it all is that we got back in time on Saturday to see this:

NUKERINA?

NukeGirl had her dance recital on Saturday. Her dance academy covers all age groups and ability levels. The recital was over 3 hours long and it was great. The competition dancers were incredible. Some of those girls must have changed costumes at least a dozen times. We know a few of the girls dancing and are anxious to ask the parents if a second mortgage was required to purchase all of those costumes. NukeGirls group danced to a couple of Disney tunes whose titles escape me right now; namely for the fact that I think I heard every Disney song ever recorded during the recital. NukeGirl was absolutely beaming when NukeMom handed her post performance flower bouquet to her. She watched the older girls dance in complete awe and then backtracked on her statement earlier that she didn’t want to do dance again next fall. We’ll see if her motivation holds through the summer. That’s the best I can do for now; my foot blisters are calling for attention. I’ll give you more of a heads up before the next camping trip so that you can buy stock in Gold Bond Body Powder and Mennen Speed Stick. The Aquafina and Granola bar cartels might make a few bucks off of you as well.

Launch It:

This entry was posted on Monday, June 22nd, 2009 at 2:49 am and is filed under Tales From The Lazy Boy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Melisa

Gotta love scout camp!
The camp looks gorgeous from above. I’m thinking that’s how I like to go to scout camp, in a helicopter. Just for a minute to take an aerial photo, and then outta there. I always say that my idea of roughing it is a hotel with doors that lead to the outside instead of a hallway, but…

I’m glad you had a great time! I can say in all certainty that your BEING THERE at camp with Nukeboy2 will be a memory he will treasure forever (and you just might, too!).

Nukegirl looked beautiful in her dance costume. But a three-hour recital? OMG, did you see Ginger, Maryann, and the Professor there? WHY do they do that to the parents? That seems about 90 minutes too long to me…but I’m glad you all enjoyed it! (I just answered my own question: they do it so the younger girls get to see the older girls dance, and then get renewed motivation to take more lessons. Never mind.)

(NukeDad) It was a blast, Melisa. I thought a few times that you and your scouts would probably have fun there too. Scouts from all over the USA come there every summer; they’re expecting to have over 8,000 campers go through there this summer.

The recital was long, but they had an intermission in the middle, and, honestly, it was so well done that the time FLEW by! Seriously, they had it down to, maybe, 10 or 15 seconds between the routines for set changes, etc. and they nailed it. NO music screw-ups, NO wrong groups on stage, etc.. It was really, really well done.

Melisa´s last blog ..When Holidays Collide: Happyfather’sbirthday!

Jun 22, 2009 @ 6:25 am

WeaselMomma

Now let’s just see if you manage to keep the weight off and make an infomercial.
I went camping ONCE with the girl scouts and swore never again. I thought I had shown up at a Nazi Youth Indoctrination Camp by mistake.

(NukeDad) Funny you should mention that; we start filming the infomercial next week. WOW! Sorry to hear about your camping experience! Some people take to it quickly and enjoy it, others (including you and NukeMom) wouldn’t be caught dead in a tent.

WeaselMomma´s last blog ..Dream A Little Dream With Me

Jun 22, 2009 @ 6:31 am

Tara R.

I remember scout camp, Girl Scouts. Forgot how effective the meal plans were. Good to hear you still had a good time.

Your tiny dancer is adorable, love the tutu!

(NukeDad) Thanks, Tara; she is pretty cute, huh? Those scouts had the whole dining experience down.

Tara R.´s last blog ..Coppola has nothing to worry about…

Jun 22, 2009 @ 8:31 am

'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why

I’m glad you had fun at camp. I loved scout camp when I was a girl. Went for a week several summers in a row just off cookie sales! (I was a real go-getter ya know!)
NukeGirl is beautiful!
Good luck with the blisters. I tried the Sweat-Yer-Arse-Off-at-the-Zoo-in-98-Degree-Heat diet Monday. Lots of racing against a 3 year old, and he ate all the french fries at the cafe!

(NukeDad) You’ll be glad to know that the blisters are in remission. I can see where chasing a 3 year old around in 98 degree heat would be an effective weight loss strategy too! Thanks for the compliment on NukeGirl; she’s Daddy’s little girl. She was so cute up there…

‘cuz I’m the mommy, that’s why´s last blog ..New! By Prescription Only!

Jun 23, 2009 @ 2:16 am

tom

Sounds like you had a great time. I know I’d be needing life flight off the top of the hill if I’d survived the hike up. Do they give kids merit badges for performing CPR on your dad when he keels over from exhaustion?

Your daughter is too cute for words! That’s so great you got home in time for the recital. I’m sure she was really happy about that.

(NukeDad) It was a blast, Tom. I think the kids WOULD get a merit badge for that; I alluded to the fact that if it did happen, I’m sure a plaque would have been installed quickly. EVERYTHING in scout camp is dedicated to somebody! NukeGirl was very cute; she had so much fun up there. It made the “I don’t want to go to dance lessons today” whines worth it; now she’s already talking about going back.

tom´s last blog ..Happy Father’s Day

Jun 23, 2009 @ 7:12 am

Mike

God, that brought back memories. When I was a Boy Scout we were so preoccupied with finding the Girl Scouts we never really did much “scouting.” Maybe that’s why I never let my girls into scouting. I know how the other half thinks….

(NukeDad) I’ll bet you were able to employ plenty of boy scout traits while you were sneaking through the woods looking for the girl scout camp.