A Whiter Shade Of Pale
I’ve found the ultimate diet plan. You’re guaranteed to lose 12 pounds in 2 1/2 days. It’s called; “The Scout Camp Diet” and it works. I should know, because I invented it over the latter part of last week. All that is required to make this diet work is to hike 12 to 15 miles per day in 90 degree heat. Results will increase if you start the plan in the rain and end it in 60 percent humidity. Night chills and subsequent night sweats are just part of the exultation you will feel while on this plan. Need to lose 3 pounds before dinner? Easy, just hike to dinner. Need to knock off a few pounds before bedtime? Basic, just hike the 39 percent grade up the hill to your campsite after dinner. Still feeling a little thick around the waist? No problem! Just hike to breakfast tomorrow, back to your campsite, then to the other side of the camp, then all the way BACK to the dining hall for lunch, over to the other extreme border of the camp, then BACK to the dining hall one more time for dinner. See? Easy as pie. Don’t worry about what kind of pie it is, because you’ll be sweating it off as you eat it. And don’t you fret about the time commitment; it’ll only take you from reveille at 7am until taps at 10pm to accomplish your goals. Who needs all those fancy fad diets when you can just have your kid join the scouts? Call now and receive our bonus “How to Survive Camp on Just 6 T-shirts a Day” video. Operators are standing by.
Truth be told, it wasn’t that bad. Don’t misunderstand; I did lose 12 pounds, that wasn’t an exaggeration, and I did sweat like a pig in a Louisiana bayou, but I sure had fun doing it. NukeBoy2 had the time of his life. I never went to any kind of camp when I was young, scout or otherwise, so the experience was new to me as well. The venue was Camp Raven Knob in the foothills of North Carolina near the Virginia border. Beautiful area. The scouts have about 3,200 acres to call their own up there, and I think I saw every single one of them. OK, that was an exaggeration, but it sure felt like I hiked the whole thing. There was archery, rappelling, bouldering, mystery meat, BB gun range, nature trail, aquatics, something that resembled chicken and fishing. NukeBoy2 learned how to shoot with a bow and arrow, I learned that tree roots get taller in the dark. NukeBoy2 learned which leaves come from which trees, I learned that daddy long-legs spiders can hide under a toilet seat and crawl upside down across your nether regions. NukeBoy2 learned how to rock climb sideways, I learned that a herd of carpenter ants, with the right motivation, can find their way into a tent no matter how well you zip it up. No, I didn’t leave food in the tent, I’m not that much of a newbie.
The efficiency of the camp blew me away. Three times a day they would move over 1,000 people through the dining hall, feed them and have the place cleaned up and empty in under an hour. I’m not kidding. It was unreal. The Boy Scouts that were working the camp worked their butts off. They were teaching the Cub Scouts during their sessions, working the kitchen line or floor during meal time and manning the counter at the trading post and snack bar. It was a great experience; NukeBoy2 is already talking about our “next” trip up there. He thinks it’ll be next summer, I haven’t told him yet that it’s actually going to be in November. I’ll post then about the wonders and excitement of hiking and sleeping in snow. The best part of it all is that we got back in time on Saturday to see this:
NukeGirl had her dance recital on Saturday. Her dance academy covers all age groups and ability levels. The recital was over 3 hours long and it was great. The competition dancers were incredible. Some of those girls must have changed costumes at least a dozen times. We know a few of the girls dancing and are anxious to ask the parents if a second mortgage was required to purchase all of those costumes. NukeGirls group danced to a couple of Disney tunes whose titles escape me right now; namely for the fact that I think I heard every Disney song ever recorded during the recital. NukeGirl was absolutely beaming when NukeMom handed her post performance flower bouquet to her. She watched the older girls dance in complete awe and then backtracked on her statement earlier that she didn’t want to do dance again next fall. We’ll see if her motivation holds through the summer. That’s the best I can do for now; my foot blisters are calling for attention. I’ll give you more of a heads up before the next camping trip so that you can buy stock in Gold Bond Body Powder and Mennen Speed Stick. The Aquafina and Granola bar cartels might make a few bucks off of you as well.