I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty
Well, all things considered, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Now I know why all of those old people are smiling in those Metamucil commercials. It’s amazing what a liquid diet and a couple of days without sodas and junk food can do for you. Oh, and the 2 weeks worth of laxative, forgot that part. I feel like the storm drains in a brand new sub-division: open for business! Tommy Edwards; wherever you are, you finally got your 6th grade wish granted; I finally blew it out of my arse. Obviously not willing or wanting to share the gory details, suffice it to say that I know what the Astronauts feel like when the Shuttle takes them into orbit.
The procedure itself was no big deal. The only problem was the nurse who “couldn’t get the IV to thread” properly, even though I told her she was trying to tap the same vein they did Sunday night in the ER. “Yeah, I saw a bruise, feels like I’m hitting some scar tissue or something.” Ka-Duh. She wanted to try the back of my right hand next, but I told her they had mined for Red gold there Sunday night as well. Thankfully the Anesthesia nurse walked in right then and promptly and painlessly tapped my left arm with no problem. I was asleep during the whole prison initiation part (thank God). Well, sort of. I never felt like I went under. I kept waiting for them to say “count backwards from 10″, but they never did. Right before I was about to ask them when we were going to start I heard the Doc say; “That’s it! We’re done!” I went off to Recovery to sip on my free Sprite and put the bean-eating cowboys from Blazing Saddles to shame. Oh yeah; I was the Friar of Flatulence. The Duke of the Air Biscuit. Thankfully the “cleansing” ensured that this would be an audio show only; no overpowering clouds of olfactory offenders here. The results were outstanding; no problems at all. The cause of the problem was apparently a few union members from the USW (United Sphincter Workers) who were lying down on the job. Time for a new labor contract. They either get back in line or I increase the jalapeno intake by 300% next quarter. I’ve been assured that their representatives will be at the negotiating table at dinner time. Thanks for all of the positive thoughts. I promise not to post another TMI post for at least a year.
Kim
I can’t think of any more phrases or words to describe poop..you have covered them all..
I am so happy that all is well..
And it still baffles me how they can never ever thread the IV on the first try..
(NukeDad) Yeah, I’m glad that crap is over with.
Kims last blog post..Tornados of Memories
Dec 04, 2008 @ 11:18 am
Melisa
Can you be a little *more* descriptive about how good you feel now? LOL
Glad it went well.
You know, you should have gotten Nukemom to tape the procedure like when Katie Couric did her colonoscopy live on the Today Show. Now THAT would have been funny. For us. Not you. But it’s too late anyway…
(NukeDad) Hey, pay me 18 million a year and I’ll do them weekly!
Melisas last blog post..I’ll Get Back To Incessantly Talking About Myself Tomorrow…THIS One’s About You.
Dec 04, 2008 @ 11:45 am
Weaselmomma
If I didn’t know better, I’d think you had a good time. At least he was gentle, this being your first time and all.
You said some pretty nice things about me, that made my day(you are the funny god). I hope it wasn’t just the anesthesia talking.
BTW, we have to wait a whole ‘nother year to make fun of you TMI style.
(NukeDad) A good time? Not quite. Gentle? Don’t know, but I can walk today, at least. Yes, you will have to wait at least a year. 5 of my last 7 posts have been masochistically self-deprecating, I think I’ll take a break.
Weaselmommas last blog post..Fabulous!
Dec 04, 2008 @ 1:20 pm
Mike
Dude, this is a blog. There is no such thing as TMI. We write these things for all the world to read. And embarrass our family and friends. If we didn’t it wouldn’t be any fun.
Seriously, I’m glad everything came out ok (did it just say that!).
(NukeDad) I was talking about Three Mile Island, what did you think I was talking about? Everything came out OK. I went in and said “I’m ready for my close-up, Dr. DeMille!”
Mikes last blog post..Logic and Teenagers
Dec 04, 2008 @ 3:00 pm
Audubon Ron
Did I ever mention that I work with the people who test the Shuttle engines and now the J2X Ares I rocket engines?
(NukeDad) You may have. If they’re in a pinch and need a substitute booster rocket, let me know. I’ll grab a case of Miralax and be there in a hurry. I’ll need a re-entry parachute, though.
Dec 04, 2008 @ 10:38 pm
tom
My wife’s an IV nurse, and she’s got perfect batting average. Every time I’ve been in the hospital for something or other and they’ve had to do an IV start, she sits there cringing, watching the nurse try to stick the vein and miss repeatedly, knowing she could get it in on the first try. Anyway… glad you got it all worked out. Sounds like you had a real blast.
(NukeDad) It was a blast. And a blast. And another blast. Wait; here comes another one…
toms last blog post..SOS!
Dec 05, 2008 @ 12:50 pm
BBD
I HATE the IV process, I dislike the hospital experience in general. I lean toward the “If I ignore it, it’ll go away” mentality and it drives my wife nuts. I have to say you take on some sensitive and potentially painful subjects and I can’t help laughing my ass off (no pun intended).
(NukeDad) Let’s hope I don’t have to write about it again.
BBDs last blog post..Old School Kid vs. New School Dad
Dec 05, 2008 @ 2:26 pm
Karen
I am glad the test came out good, hope that whatever caused it is gone! Good ole’ polyethylene glycol (I have renamed it “Go Powder”, much to the amusement of my awesome nurse), I found out the hard way that a person my size should not take the full 17g dose (or maybe just me). Sadly I was way too dense to come to this conclusion on my own and it took my nurse telling me to take less for me to realize I could, that is what 7 years of college does to a person’s brain, scary that I have another year or two to go I think. Get and stay better!
(NukeDad) Thanks, Karen, I want to stay better! Cameras at the end of long tubes scare me now.
Karens last blog post..Microblogologist in the World of Weasels
Dec 08, 2008 @ 4:04 am
Carol aka stalker
Wow. What an introduction to your blog.
You know, my friends all thought I was the crazy one (“Okay guys, I’m going to go off and meet this guy I only know from the internet!”), but evidently I put off stalker vibes much more strongly than BD does. I wouldn’t think of depriving you of your BD posts…and besides, what would I stalk then?
(NukeDad) Cool, so you guys are like Dexter and Miguel. Well, until last night, anyway (Spoiler Alert!). There’s a reason the show is called Dexter and not Miguel. Glad you stopped by; I hope you visit often!
Dec 08, 2008 @ 2:16 pm