Tax Free Weekend Death Shopapalooza
I survived tax free weekend. I didn’t go willingly, mind you, I just happened to be in the car when NukeMom announced that we were going to “pick up a few things” for school. First stop was Kohl’s. They had a rack of t-shirts that had been picked through more than William Shatner’s girdle drawer. All of the “folders” were on strike, apparently, so we just glanced and tossed like everybody else. We managed to come away with 6 shirts, only one of them with skulls on it. Not that skulls are a huge issue, but everything in the young men’s department looked like it came from Black Sabbath’s 70′s t-shirt storage warehouse. Nukeboy1 already has an AC/DC Highway to Hell shirt, a Black Sabbath skull and bones shirt and a Kiss Debut Album shirt; the evil end of the clothing spectrum is pretty full.
Next stop was the shoe section. Nukeboy2 wears a size 2. Guess what I found in boy’s shoes? A stunning lack of size 2′s. I realize that we weren’t there at 8am when the doors opened and that the crowds had been huge, but come on, if K-Mart can keep the toilet paper aisle stocked on Cinco de Mayo weekend, then I think Kohl’s should be able to do it on their number one shoe selling weekend. He wanted Tony Hawk’s, but they didn’t have any (or so I thought), so he went with some Nike’s. The NukeFamily has been cursed with extra wide feet and since Nike’s are made to fit the Kate Moss’s of the world, it was size 3 before he could even stand up in the shoes without falling over. Thankfully Nukegirl spotted some Tony Hawk’s around the corner. I perused the remaining boxes by size; his choice of style was irrelevant at this point. We found a pair and put them on his feet. The fit was great. I guess skateboarders are known for having floppy feet also. It was then that I noticed that the shoes had 2 pairs of laces. The bottom 3 eyelets were laced with a black shoe lace, the top 3 with a white shoe lace. We had about 5 feet of extra laces after tying them in a triple knot. I looked at the poster they had hanging up and there was no sign of a knot anywhere. The laces (both shades) were tucked inside the shoes. Now I’m really confused. Stupefied or not, they went into the basket, this endeavor had gone on long enough. I’ll hit the website to figure out how to tie them. Next stop: Wal-Mart. Think about that as you go to the next paragraph.
Walking into a Wal-Mart on tax free weekend is akin to hiking in Denali National Park in salmon flavored boxer briefs; the bite in the ass is of your own doing. We live in NASCAR country, so cart drafting was frowned upon and restrictor plates were in use. We jockied for position and soon found ourselves in the blue box nirvana of school supplies. Glue sticks were only .22 cents for a packet of 2. We bought 8 of them. Hey! They were tax free! Report folders? We got 22. After we get the Nukekids set up for their classes I’ll take the extra 14 and put them on the book shelf next to the 12 extras from last year and the 10 extras from 2006. Pencils? We could donate 1 to every child in India and China. Crayola’s? Enough boxes to color every placard and banner at next years Gay Pride parade in San Francisco. Loose leaf paper? I’ll be making paper airplanes until I’m 84. That’s after filling the 36 extra folders on the book shelf. We’re set for school. So are your kids; just send them by to pick up their supplies.
Mr Lady
I used to do the school supply shopping for my entire elementary school of 250 students. In one day. At Target (I have morals, see)
When you learn to tie those laces, can you come teach me? See, I just laced the black right on up to the top, with the white, and you should see how PRETTY all his BOWS look. He hates me.
(NukeDad) Uh-oh, did I check my morals at the door of the evil Wal-Mart? I’m sure the greeter gave them back when I left.
I’ll try that with the laces and let you know how ours turn out.
Mr Ladys last blog post..Welcome Back, Kotter
Aug 04, 2008 @ 3:01 am
Audubon Ron
Sound of taking kids shopping for clothes, “KA-CHING!!”
(NukeDad) “KASH-BLEWY!” “ZI-BROKE!” All of the superhero economic indicators were in there.
Audubon Rons last blog post..Letter to My Ex
Aug 04, 2008 @ 1:02 pm
tom
Now you warn me about the salmon-flavored shorts. Last time I shop that bait store, the hucksters.
(NukeDad) I told you to stay away from bASS Pro Shop!
toms last blog post..Home Again
Aug 04, 2008 @ 2:18 pm
Tara R.
Florida typically has a tax-free week just prior to school re-opening – not this year. I guess the legistators are hoping to make up in tax revenues what they lost with the tax incentive checks, that people used to pay taxes and not purchase goods, that included sales tax…. and on, and on….
(NukeDad) Amazing that so many people still think it’s a “refund”-it’s our money to begin with! They always expect everyone to cut back or pay more in taxes, yet they never cut back on spending.
Tara R.s last blog post..Have permit, will drive…
Aug 04, 2008 @ 2:49 pm
Melisa
We don’t have a tax-free week up here in Chi-town. (Don’t get me started on how the city of Chicago has the HIGHEST sales tax in the nation now)
We have, in the past couple of years, been “lucky” enough to be visiting the grandparents in TN during Tax-free week. It’s nuts. I did it (at Target, like Mr. Lady) once and couldn’t bring myself to do it the next year. I don’t like to shop in the middle of chaos; it makes me ookie. (is that a word?)
(NukeDad) I think you just made a word. “Okie”, I’ve heard before: someone from Oklahoma, not always used in a praising manner. “Ookie”, like cookie with no “C”? Like “Dookie”, ala Green Day? I’ll have to look it up for you.
Melisas last blog post..If Baby #2 Is a Girl and They Name Her Melisa, I Will REALLY Freak Out.
Aug 05, 2008 @ 9:18 am
Petite G
I actually laughed out loud on this one. Doesn’t happen often but this one is one for the books. Found you on Ask. Looking forward to post 100.
(NukeDad) Thanks Petite G, hope we both come out of it alive.
Petite Gs last blog post..I’ve been outed
Aug 05, 2008 @ 11:25 am
Mike
We in California have no idea what a “tax-free” shopping spree is all about. If it wasn’t for the weather and the “kick ass” govenor we have, I’d move.
I loved the part about NASCAR cart driving through Wal Mart. Very funny, even if I didn’t get all the references (not from the South).
(NukeDad) I don’t get all of the references either, I just know that since we moved here I make a whole lot more left turns than I used to.
Aug 05, 2008 @ 12:05 pm
Weaselmooma
I am putting off back to school stuff until I return from VEGAS!!!! next week. Chicago area does not believe anything should be tax free. Damn Nanny State!
(NukeDad) Vegas!? What are you trying to do; make me jealous? It’s working!
Weaselmoomas last blog post..Turn Out The Lights, The Party’s Over
Aug 05, 2008 @ 2:03 pm
matt
For some reason I have been referencing Caddyshack a lot today. Its just that good of a movie. Anyway, you remind me of Rodney Dangerfield going through the pro shop…”Gimme a box of those, two of these, three of those, a box of those naked lady tees….”
(NukeDad) “Why, look at that hat! That’s the worst hat I’ve ever seen! Oh! Looks good on you, though!”
matts last blog post..Roll With The Changes
Aug 06, 2008 @ 5:07 pm
Lori B (mamanuggle)
As I work for a shoe company AND have a white trash WalMart obsession, I found your post to be very funny. With the laces thing, it’s called dress lacing (no bows, tucked in) and it’s an art. Ship ‘em off to me, i’m on it. Or go to your local Famous Footwear, they’ll hook up those Tony Hawk’s in no time!
(NukeDad) I think I liked “dress lacing” the first time I saw it when it was called Velcro.
Lori B (mamanuggle)s last blog post..MamaNuggle’s guest post at agoodhusband.net
Aug 07, 2008 @ 7:31 am
amy
So we go shopping the Thursday right before tax weekend when the cute stuff is already out but the psycho shoppers aren’t. Seriously, it’s not worth 8 cents on the dollar to me to fight the mobs.
(NukeDad) We used to do the same, but a lot of places won’t start their “Mega Deals” until the weekend. I will lobby for this plan next year, though.
amys last blog post..It’s Only Business
Aug 08, 2008 @ 1:32 am
Kim
Ugh.. I have one more year before this madness starts in my world.. so for this year I will sit back and feel bad for you.
(NukeDad) It could have been worse; call me if you need tips next year.
Kims last blog post..Doctor office visits are not good for your health or wrinkles
Aug 13, 2008 @ 9:22 pm
Karen
I have never heard of this tax free weekend thing, you wouldn’t catch me out in it but my mother would totally go! I still use folders I got in high school, we bought new ones most years back in the day but now I don’t see the point of buying new ones when I have old ones that haven’t completely fallen apart. Now I just need to stop suckering for the 10 cent notebooks that I don’t have much use for anymore! I’d give some to Niecey but as I recall the school district is anti-spiral notebooks, course Mom bought her erasers that are not the standard pink called for by the list so she’s already a school supply rebel anyway…
(NukeDad) I’m surprised they let her get away with that; wrong erasers can get you the death penalty in Texas.
Karens last blog post..Introducing my new lab assistant
Aug 13, 2008 @ 11:03 pm