Why Does Spandex Come In XXL?
This picture has obviously been photo-shopped, but it’s apparent that the girl is overly blessed in the chest without the photo-shop help, and it brings up a good point. At what point do you need to be told that something you’re wearing just isn’t attractive? For example; I’ve gained enough weight over the last few years to understand that tight fitting shirts with horizontal lines just aren’t a good idea. I haven’t worn a rugby shirt since 1989. I’ve been wearing my shirts un-tucked since the 90’s, I get it; unfortunately, there are a lot of people who don’t. Do we need Chuck Schumer to subpoena that girl in the bikini to find out why she would subject small children and families to such a sight? If he can bring down a bank, he can bring down her hem-line. Should the Beach Patrol be allowed to hand out tickets for gross negligence? In this case, I’d say yes.
Common sense should be your guide, but then, most of us won’t admit that we have a problem until it’s too late. It takes that trip to the grocery store when you bump into someone you haven’t seen in years and they say; “Look at you! When is the baby due?” You notice a few things wrong with their question:
- Your youngest child is 12.
- You are 43.
- You are a man.
If you’re still not sure; number 3 is the give-away. Just remember; if you know that you have “gained a few pounds” but still feel like you haven’t gained that much, have someone take a full body length picture of you or film you with a video camera. Now; take an objective look. Scary, isn’t it? We can all make our faces look skinnier when we lean into the mirror over the vanity, but the camera doesn’t lie. They say the camera adds 10 pounds. How many cameras does it appear were used to photograph you?
We can all do our part to alleviate issues like kneevage girl up there. If you’re going to wear spandex, make sure you can pull it off first; if not, then please wear something over it! I wear spandex, but they are Under Armour compression shorts worn UNDER a pair of regular shorts. I wear them on the rare occasion that I work out, not as a fashion statement like some 250+somethings. I have no desire to look like the Polish bicycle team or an Olympic swimmer. Ladies, if you are going to shop for a bikini, please take the BMI (Body Mass Index) chart with you! If you are in the 90th percentile, please shop for a one piece. Think of your family. Gentlemen, you’re not European and you’re not a world class swimmer, put the Speedo back on the rack and go look for something in a floral pattern that will end at the knee caps. Web netting inside is optional, unless your suit ends mid-thigh, then it is mandatory. Kids go to your pool for cryin’ out loud.
Mr Lady
Kneevage! My EYES!
(NukeDad) If boobs were people, she’d be China.
Mr Ladys last blog post..Young Love
Jul 15, 2008 @ 2:54 am
Audubon Ron
“Ladies, if you are going to shop for a bikini, please take the BMI chart with you!”
You didn’t say that. Man, are you asking for it. That mushroom cloud up there ain’t nothing like what you’re fix’in to get.
(NukeDad) The ladies who would need to do that know (hopefully) who they are; and I did say “in the 90th percentile”, that’s a pretty small group. Thanks for having my back, though
Jul 15, 2008 @ 3:52 am
Melisa
Ouch. That’s my first thought.
I’d type in my second thought, but I have to go put on my spandex bike shorts (with a long shirt on top) for spin class. LOL
(NukeDad) Will you shrare your 2nd thought after your class?
Melisas last blog post..He’s Learned How To Order Soup, Too.
Jul 15, 2008 @ 7:58 am
Weaselmooma
Very true, and very funny. I often see these people that aren’t unattractive, but choose to wear things that are completely unflattering. I wonder if they are that easily fooled by salespeople or if they don’t own a mirror.
You should do a follow-up on ‘muffin-top’ and the ‘coin slot’. Two looks that have become popular in society that can only lead to the downfall of civilization.
And I don’t care if you are an Olympic swimmer, no man looks good in a Speedo!
(NukeDad) Your suggestion on the follow up has created imagery in my mind that will make breakfast impossible; but thanks for the validation on the Speedo thing. It’s like trying to put 2 bowling balls into a marble sack.
Weaselmoomas last blog post..Beware Neighbors Bearing Gifts
Jul 15, 2008 @ 8:15 am
Sue
Well hello boobs! Nice to meet you.
I agree that there should be somebody policing the ‘indecency’ on the beach. ick. I love boobs and bongas and whatever you’d call them, but that? That is just… ick. Gross.
I agree with the photo thing. I recently took some ‘before’ pictures of myself in my first ever bikini. Yeah, I’m smart, I bought my first bikini 20lbs after I had a great body. But its my inspiration. I plan to do the healthy thing and work my way to an awesome ‘after’ picture.
(NukeDad) Way to go Sue! Having inspiration like that is a good motivator. I have a pair of jeans that I refuse to get rid of for that same reason. (Wow, I have WAY too much estrogen right now)
Jul 15, 2008 @ 9:54 am
Matt
I don’t think she looks too bad….maybe she could just tie ‘em in a knot or something. You know, to keep it tidy.
(NukeDad) Maybe she knows origami? Or, she can rent herself out as a bounce house for the kids.
Jul 15, 2008 @ 11:58 am
Sarah
I’ve been mistaken for a man twice, and asked if I was pregnant when I wasn’t three times. I love this post!
(Sarah) I feel for you Sarah, the kids get mad at me at the pool when I take my shirt off; they say I’m taking up all of the sun.
Sarahs last blog post..Happy Birthday (Belated One Day) Lauren!
Jul 15, 2008 @ 12:34 pm
Xbox4NappyRash
That may very well be the grossest picture I have ever seen.
(NukeDad) Thanks, XboX! Just keepin’ it (sur)real!
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..WWXVI
Jul 15, 2008 @ 1:58 pm
amy
Please print up this post and tack it onto the entrance of every waterpark in America! This is an awesome public service announcement. But damn that picture, it’s just WRONG!
(NukeDad) But do you see her smile? SHE thinks she looks GOOD!
amys last blog post..The jig is up
Jul 15, 2008 @ 5:11 pm
Melisa
Okay, since you asked….LOL
My second thought is this: I’m glad you said “90%” on the BMI comment, because although there are certain ladies that really shouldn’t be wearing a bikini* (see above, photoshopped or not: ha!), when I see someone who “normally” would wear a one-piece, rather than think, “Wow, she shouldn’t be wearing that” I think, “Wow, she’s really got self-confidence.” (and I am seriously thinking that, not sarcastically thinking that.)
As a person of larger frame and bigger size than average (though I could totally kick some a$$ because I’m very fit), I love to see larger women who have the confidence to carry off something that only smaller women are “allowed” to. And that’s my rant on society for today.
*and men who shouldn’t wear speedos.
(NukeDad) The point I was trying to make is: “If wearing a bikini, speedo or spandex is going to cause someone to projectile vomit; please don’t do it. Don’t pretend like you don’t know who you are.”
Melisas last blog post..He’s Learned How To Order Soup, Too.
Jul 15, 2008 @ 5:41 pm
tom
This is why I rarely go to the beach. For my own sake, and for the sake of others who might be blinded as the sun reflects off of my albino-white flesh.
I’ll just take the mumu, thanks.
(NukeDad) I hear you Tom. When we were in Myrtle Beach, I changed the flight pattern for the airport when I took my shirt off.
toms last blog post..That’s My Boy!
Jul 15, 2008 @ 7:48 pm
Tara R.
Living near the beach as I do, there have been numerous occasion when I’ve wanted to gouge my eyes out with a toy shovel because of the vast amounts of pearly white flesh left marooned in the sand. I haven’t worn a two-piece suit in years, out of respect for the general public.
(NukeDad) You must be talking about Fabio, the uber-rich European who is 5′6″, 228lbs who thinks he looks “Sexy” in a thong. That alone should be reason enough to reinstate the death penalty nationwide.
Tara R.s last blog post..(not) Random Wednesday – limits
Jul 15, 2008 @ 8:59 pm
Melisa
Yes, yes, I got your point and TOTALLY agree.
You’re the one who asked me to type in my 2nd thought!
(NukeDad) You’re right. Just tryin’ to keep it all cool in case the girl in that picture shows up to comment.
Melisas last blog post..We’re Taking Over.
Jul 15, 2008 @ 10:21 pm
Jolly Green Dad
I completely agree. Many people do not really think about what they wear and if they should be wearing it!
(NukeDad) I wish someone had told me that before I went to the grocery store in leg warmers and stiletto’s.
Jolly Green Dads last blog post..Kids keep you humble
Jul 16, 2008 @ 10:58 am
Lori B
Dude, we’re going to the beach this weekend. I thought that Jaws sighting in Massachusetts was the scariest think to worry about. Apparently I forgot what beaches are really like these days.
And how is that collapsible chair not crumbling under the weight of those torpedos?
Oh, I am proud to report that just 8 weeks post-delivery I am going to be rockin’ a two piece. My boobs can act as an umbrella, no?
But just for the record, I am going to be nowhere near the 90% BMI. I just hope no one asks when the baby’s due while I am carrying her.
(NukeDad) Lori, We’re all just glad that little Caitlin AND you both came through it OK. Have fun at the beach and tell Jeremy (and you too, now) to leave his laptop in the room. Sand and keyboards don’t mix.
Lori Bs last blog post..Confessions of An Addict
Jul 16, 2008 @ 12:58 pm
Kim
Thank goodness I am only at the 89% mark on the BMI chart or I would be totally offended.. hahahaah
(NukeDad) I’m at like, 110%; do I get extra credit?
Kims last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Fill ‘er Up!!
Jul 16, 2008 @ 4:13 pm
Stacey
OK, dont hate me for this comment, but I think people that wear things that are “offensive” to others think they look okay. I mean, what if that girl at the grocery store (in the spandex) just lost 100 pounds and she hasnt been able to pull the spandex all the way up in years??? Maybe shes celbrating. I too, like Melisa said, do not fit into the runway samples that designers come up with. I did once though, I think it was back in say, 2nd grade. Hey brother, we come from the same gene pool. I know alot of people dont agree with this way of thinking, but hey, to each their own. I’m sure when Boy George looks in the mirror every day, he thinks to himself, “damn, I’m hot.” I, and many others like me, think he looks a little freakish, but hey–everyone is different.
(NukeDad) I agree with you; if she’s lost 100 lbs, more power to her, but I think the majority of the people I’m talking about are the ones that know they shouldn’t be borrowing their 5th grade sisters outfits; especially when they’re Seniors in high school. And remember; we’re “Big Boned”-it’s the Nordic ancestry.
Jul 16, 2008 @ 8:31 pm