Mr. Forrest Robinson Gump’s Neighborhood

I love a good story. I remember hearing exotic tales as a kid and imagining myself in those situations. Situations like rescuing people trapped in a car that is perched perilously over the guardrail of a bridge. At the last second, I pull the victims from the car just as it plummets to the ground and explodes into a fiery ball of flames. Wait a minute; that was Gage and DeSoto on Emergency! OK, how about this one; I’m a news reporter working in Las Vegas. By night I chase Vampires, Werewolves and other assorted monsters through the streets and sewers while my editor; Vincenzo, screams at me to; “Finish that story on corruption in the police department!” Crap. That’s Carl Kolchak from The Night Stalker, isn’t it? Well, I think you get my point; you just can’t beat a good story. Unless….

Stories are great for kids because it broadens their imagination and makes them dream of all the things they can be in the world. It’s only later that life slaps them upside the head and says; “Your an adult now; what are you thinking?!” Having someone in your life to tell stories to you is great, especially if they’re good at it. Nukeboy1 and Nukeboy2 have a storyteller at their school. I’ll call him; Mr. Robinson. Mr. Robinson has a story for the kids everyday. Nukeboy2 is an impressionable going-to-be 3rd grader, and he listens in amazement to Mr. Robinson’s stories. In January I began to notice that Nukeboy2 was relating more and more of Mr. Robinson’s stories at the dinner table. This continued until the end of school in June. I don’t have a problem with someone telling stories, it’s just that EVERY story involves Mr. Robinson. Every. Single. One. There aren’t any “I knew this guy” stories or “Somebody told me once” stories, they are ALL “I did this” stories. Again; I wouldn’t have a problem with that if they weren’t so outlandish. We’ve all done interesting things in our lives that deserve to be passed on to the next generation, but be reasonable.

Mr. Robinson’s real name could be Walter Mitty or Forrest Gump for all I know. You know the Great Wall of China? He laid the first brick. The pyramids? He placed the capstone. In 1969 when man landed on the moon, Mr. Robinson was there to pull down the ladder for Neil Armstrong. He tells a story of being a security guard at Martin Luther King’s funeral (this one is most probably true) and climbing aboard a bus to get some air conditioned relief from the stifling heat. Guess who was on the bus? Bobby and Ted Kennedy. They gave him fruit and some water. Coulda happened, but…

I’m sure he’s a very nice man, and I appreciate the fact that he takes time out of his day to try and be a positive example in the lives of young people; but if you’re going to embellish THAT much, then start a scrap-booking hobby. Good Gravy, just because 3rd graders haven’t mastered addition and subtraction doesn’t mean that you can get away with that crap. By the 6th grade they’re going to realize that there is no possible way that he was there to witness the Crusades. If they can figure that out, then that will call his duel with Aaron Burr into question as well. That whole Boston Tea Party incident will draw some scrutiny as well. I plan on meeting with Mr. Robinson when the school year starts. I’ll thank him for his service (to ALL generations) and then ask some pointed questions. Like; was there a second gunman on the grassy knoll? Is Bigfoot real? Is DB Cooper still alive? If so, what is the value of his ransom money today; adjusted for inflation? What would you do for a Klondike Bar? Does your Bologna have a first name? He should be able to answer these with no problem; after all, he’s been there, done that.

Launch It:

This entry was posted on Friday, July 11th, 2008 at 1:52 pm and is filed under The Peeve Zone. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Mr Lady

Lay off him, man. I mean, you don’t know….NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION.

(Sorry, had to do it.)

(NukdeDad) Well, he better get ready. Monty Python won’t save him this time. Now, Lt. Dan? Maybe. “Look! Magic legs!”

Mr Ladys last blog post..Two Index Cards and a Microphone

Jul 11, 2008 @ 2:21 pm

tom

I think I had that same teacher, only he was teaching at the community college in Carmichael, California. He was in an old western movie with John Wayne, brought Irish step dancing to the Americas, sailed with Captain Cook and advised Nixon to go with Erlichman and Haldeman. At least, that was the way he related it to us. The first story I could buy. The second one was hard to swallow, and by the third, we were all just nodding and smiling.

(NukeDad) Yeah, that’s when you have to roll up your pants because the BS is getting so deep.

toms last blog post..Bleary Eyes and Creepy Bugs

Jul 11, 2008 @ 3:47 pm

Weaselmooma

Maybe this guy was deep throat too? Or was Han Solo’s first mate before the Chewbacca years? He could be a wealth of historical information. Be sure to ask him about stonehenge and area 51.

(NukeDad) And the Treasure of the Knights Templar, also. Wait, didn’t Nicolas Cage already find that?

Weaselmoomas last blog post..TGIF?

Jul 11, 2008 @ 5:01 pm

Tara R.

Don’t forget to ask him where Hoffa is buried.

(NukeDad) He already told the kids that. He says he’s buried under Giants Stadium right next to Jamie Farr’s career.

Tara R.s last blog post..A week of blessings

Jul 11, 2008 @ 5:14 pm

PS: There isn’t a lot I wouldn’t do for a Klondike Bar.

(NukeDad) Careful. Them’s dangerous waters you’s wadin’ into.

Jul 11, 2008 @ 5:43 pm

manager mom

I have an Uncle who reminds me of this guy. Not that he has “stories’ per se, but that he KNOWS EVERYTHING. He is fuller of shit than a brick shithouse.

(NukeDad) Is this your Rich Uncle? Bricks, huh? I can relate; nobody likes a know-it-all.

manager moms last blog post..Anatomy Of A 5 Year Old Boy’s Crap-Taking

Jul 11, 2008 @ 7:55 pm

Melisa

Can I attend that meeting? I could take notes for you.

(NukeDad) Sure, but I don’t think he’s going to know where George Michael lives.

Melisas last blog post..By George, She Got It!

Jul 12, 2008 @ 8:51 am

Matt

Sounds like he IS DB Cooper, man. Before you go off on him, find out where the cash is.
I knew a guy like that once…one of those guys that claimed he had worked with everyone in the music business….after a while, it just got annoying. (I know you’re a movie guy…remember Donald Sutherland in the Commitments? Just like him. Except Wilson Pickett never came by.)

(NukeDad) Don’t they all sound like the annoying know-it-all kid in the 3rd grade?

Matts last blog post..My Husband Is Famous!

Jul 13, 2008 @ 12:03 pm

BusyDad

He couldn’t have laid the first brick in the Great Wall. Because I did it. You can ask my kid if you want proof! Charlatan!

(NukeDad) I knew you were old, but not THAT old! Oh, wait, are you talking about a Lego Great Wall?

BusyDads last blog post..I’m Only 3 Years Older Than d Wife

Jul 14, 2008 @ 3:05 pm

Meg

I’d personally ask him who was the Walrus–John or Paul?

(NukeDad) It was Paul. Remember all the “Paul is dead” rumours? Barefoot on Abbey Road, the walrus instead of a white seal, playing songs backwards, etc. Oh, and the gigantic teeth. Paul had huge incisors.

Megs last blog post..I Blog About Beer (Bottles) So JD Doesn’t Have To

Jul 14, 2008 @ 10:10 pm

Stacey

great post, my sides are spliting. I can just imagine at some great Barbara Walters interview…..her throwing in, “so what would you do for a Klondike Bar?” wow, you are funny.

(NukeDad) You need to cut this out or people will think I’m paying you for positive feedback. Oh, do you still have your PayPal account, or do you prefer cash?

Jul 16, 2008 @ 8:39 pm