Jul 05 2008
Luther: The Squirrel That Thought He Could Fly
This is getting a little ridiculous. You’ve read stories here before about the animals in the neighborhood and their proficiency for doing things that might prompt a visit from Mulder and Scully. Here’s another one. The neighborhood all gathered at Mr. and Mrs. AP’s house yesterday for a 4th of July cookout. Burgers, hot dogs, baked beans, potato salad (Amish potato salad, no less!), watermelon; the works. The only thing lacking was entertainment. Well, normal kid antics might count, but no “show stopper” entertainment. None; that is, until Luther: the squirrel who thought he could fly showed up. You’ve already seen the picture, so you know how it all ends; what you don’t know are the particulars. Neither do we, but we came up with a few possibilities:
Scenario 1:
After a heavy night of drinking, Luther wakes up at the crack of 4pm to the human ruckus erupting below. As he steps out of bed to give them what-for, he slips on one of his kids’ toys, raps his head on the bed post and tumbles to the ground, never regaining consciousness.
Scenario 2:
Aging squirrel elder Luther is challenged to a game of “Tightrope” by one of the younger males. Luther loses his footing (pawing?) on a tricky stretch of branch, falling to his death. On the way down, Luther curses himself for allowing the challenger to pick the course.
Scenario 3
Being a southern squirrel, and since it was a National Holiday, Luther spent the day with his buddies downing case after case of Busch beer and riding his Quad ATV through the trees. During “Leap the Abyss”, Luther is heard saying; “Hey ya’ll, watch this!” Those are the last words ever spoken by Luther.
Scenario 4
While eyeing the human extravaganza below, Luther spies Annie, the humans’ rat terrier who very nearly killed Luther weeks before. Luther survived, but his friend Cujo did not. Luther notices that Annie is wearing a Jacksonville Jaguar’s infant t-shirt. Being a Carolina Panther fan himself; and knowing that the Jaguars had one of the worst draft classes in history, Luther laughs himself into a frenzy, loses his balance and plummets to his death.
Scenario 5
Heartbroken that he was abandoned as a child, lost his publishing fortune, his race for Governor, his wife and his mistress; “Citizen Luther” drops his snow-globe, whispers “Rosebud”, dies, and falls out of the tree.
I suppose we’ll never know what caused Luther to lose his battle with gravity. We do know that Luther is the reason NukeMom lost her mouthful of soda. Sprayed it right across the table, she did. Witnessed the whole thing. She said she heard some rustling leaves and then saw something grey and squirrel-like impact the ground. I swear; the Disney people better get her quick with their cameras before all the animals go back to being normal.
*Luther was treated humanely and given a proper burial. In honor of Independence Day, Luther was given a 21 Rubber Band Salute. In lieu of flowers, please make a contribution to “Squirrels Plummeting Lazily Aground Today” (SPLAT)*
Sending my contribution tomorrow…
Not to sound “stalkish”, but I wish I lived in your neighborhood. Sounds like fun. Well, except for the animal deaths and all.
(NukeDad) It’s like “The Stepford Mammals” around here.
That is a sight my dog loves. A few years back she chased a squirrel into a light pole and fried the bejsus out of him. Tasteeee fried squirrel.
(NukeDad) That’s awesome; unfortunately, none of our pets can cook.
21 Rubber Band salute? I’d be willing to bet *this* toe that y’all ACTUALLY did that.
(NukeDad) Well, they’d fire off 7, have to go find them, then come back. I had to draw the line at that, though; they wanted to do a flag draped shoebox.
Mr Ladys last blog post..Oops, I Did It Again
Rosebud - that is freakin’ hilarious.
Not too long ago we found what had to be Luther’s Florida cousin… he had been involved in a frat hazing and dared to touch the power transformer, electrocuting himself and falling to the ground. Found by a Good Samaritan teenaged boy and his enabler mom, he was taken to the local emergency pet hospital. No further news was released about the frat hazing victim, but he was expected to survive.
(NukeDad) Tara, that is shocking. I hope Sparky is OK.
Tara R.s last blog post..Picture this
yah, love squirrels. One ate its way into moms garage. Worst part was, it had babies and then bolted when the door went up again. Don’t call PETA on me, but suffice it to say (god, did I spell that right? I dont know about comments, with BWW and all) I swept up bodies for weeks. Lets just say I had to follow my nose……… anyway, maybe you should corral some of these guys and go on “pet star” or stupid pet tricks or something–although I think at this point, if you ended up on Letterman, you might have his job.
(NukeDad) Yuck. You did spell suffice correctly, but you didn’t capitalize “God”. What were you thinking? Better say an extra prayer tonight. Oh, and squirrels? In El Paso? Are you sure it wasn’t a rat wearing a sombrero?
telling ya, they are everywhere…..you could have written this blog as a kid…although, I think experience is about 99.9% of it. so our squirrels are rarely seen and dont fly….nonetheless…..they are here. My dog (yes I have one now) loves chasing them around the yard. I guess its just if you live in the valley or up by the mountain. But then, we could bring in coyotes, bobcats and foxes and what have you….
(NukeDad) Yeah, I guess you’re right. The only animals I remember are Ravens, dove, lizards and the McIntyre twins.
The pic is awesome funny. I too am challenged by gravity and only hope to learn from ‘Slappy’ not to drink and climb.
(NukeDad) Barb, stay out of the trees and you should be fine.
Weaselmoomas last blog post..Never Trust the Mob
So I’m wondering… is there like a toxic waste dump nearby? Your area seems to have some pretty dim bulb squirrels. Either that or they’re getting toasted on overriped berries or something. Pretty soon there’ll be none left.
(NukeDad) “…pretty soon there’ll be none left.” We can only hope. As for the toxic waste dump; only if you count the Narcoleptic Labradors pen. It gets cleaned bi-yearly.
toms last blog post..Dad’s Words of Wisdom
NukeDad, the other day you sent me a helpful link for getting started, tools, etc. Thank You. Unfortunately my tech team hasn’t really been earning the scratch, if ya know what I mean, and lost the link. Would you be kind enough to re-send it?
(NukeDad) I’d have some harsh words with “The Geek Squad”, if I were you. Link has been re-sent. Have fun!
Weaselmoomas last blog post..I’m Not Proud……..
It had to be the Busch Beer.. that crap can do anyone in.
(NukeDad) It’s a shame, really; Luther was getting ready to enter the “Bubba-lympics” next month.
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