I’ll Never Understand
I just found out yesterday that a friend who used to live next door to me committed suicide by cop. After hearing about what had been going on in his life, I can almost see why he would make such a desperate decision. He had an outstanding warrant for theft, and he knew it; so when the police officer saw him crossing the parking lot and told him to stop, he must have known that the time was now. You see, he had been waiting for this opportunity. It is why he had purchased a toy gun. It is why he painted over the orange tip that identifies it as a toy gun. It is why he painted it gun-stock silver; so that it would look every bit as threatening as he would need it to in order to get the policeman to end his misery. Once, and for all.
Jim (not his real name) lived next door to me in El Paso for 2 years in the early 90′s. He lived with two other roommates; I had one. They had a swimming pool. We had 3 acres of land and a landlord who enjoyed mowing our lawn. No kidding. The rent for my roommate and I was $425 a month. Not each; total. Our houses were conveniently located 2 blocks from our favorite watering hole; Aceitunas Beer Garden. I was (along with my friend Paul) the first paying customer in that bar the day they opened. I was also the first customer ever asked to leave that bar. Same night; but that’s another post. When ‘Tunas would close, the party would invariably move to our place, or Jim’s place. We’d all play cards, try and blow my speakers to Pearl Jam, play front yard soccer barefoot and break every toe on both feet at the same time (yep, me again) and generally have a great time. 15 years ago today, July 4th, 1993 our 2 houses hosted a 4th of July party to end all 4th of July parties. It was epic; The Who could have written a song about it. It was that good. As time went on, we each moved on and moved away from our little party planet. Everyone, that is, except for Jim. He could never let go of the euphoria that alcohol gave him.
I think everyone knows, or has known, someone who could be classified as a “mean drunk”. Jim was a mean drunk. Even back when we were neighbors, if he went a little too far with the booze, it would be a bad night for everyone. NukeMom knew him back then too. He used to flirt with her, or any girl, for that matter, in a drunken stupor that no girl would find attractive. He would hold on to her arm and not let her walk away. On more than one occasion, it almost led to fights. NukeMom and I weren’t an item yet, but we would be soon after. Jim just always wanted and needed someone to listen to him. As he drank, the need got greater; both for attention and alcohol. We all out grew it. He, apparently, never did. He was fighting something much more sinister, known only to himself.
I hadn’t seen, talked to, or thought about Jim for a long time. Then yesterday, my little sister sent me a link from the local newspaper. I read it in disbelief. Jim’s life had gone horribly wrong after we had lost touch. In the summer of 2004 he was arrested for Aggravated Sexual Assault Of a Child. It was a little girl. She was 9. I almost threw up. He served prison time and was on probation when the shooting occurred. After he got out of prison, none of his old friends would have anything to do with him. He allegedly got into the drug scene and continued his downward spiral. I looked him up on the sex offender web site after hearing about all of this and saw a picture of a truly broken man. The look on his face was one of total despair. I wanted to pity him, but I couldn’t. Not after what he had done.
I’ll never understand what can possess someone to violate a child. To me, there is no greater sin. The reason I am having such a hard time with this, is because we already lived through this nightmare a year ago. My neighbor across the street was arrested in July for the same offense. We didn’t know. Mr. and Mrs. AP didn’t know. The Doc and his family didn’t know. None of us knew. He never had a chance to commit anything so heinous in our neighborhood, of that we are sure, but the shock remains. Someone so close. Someone we knew. Someone we didn’t know at all. 3 days before his final court appearance before trial; he hung himself in his jail cell. He left a wife, an 18 month old son and a bewildered community. You just never know. I think of his poor wife; an immigrant who had found happiness in her new, adopted country, and wonder how she makes it through each day. I mostly think of their little boy. I picture his father pulling him around their driveway in his Radio Flyer wagon, his laughter filling the neighborhood. Unaware. Unaware of the demons that lived in his father. I wonder who will tell him. I wonder when they will tell him. I wonder if they should tell him.
Jim turned to face the officer and blurted out a string of obscenities, knowing it would raise the level of tension. The officer, clearly getting agitated, told Jim to back off and calm down. Jim continued his ranting and announced to the officer “I have a gun!” He then reached into his back waistband and pulled out the toy handgun that he knew would be the means to his end. The officer retreated, unholstered his pistol and fired at Jim until he had no bullets left. Reports say it was at least 4 shots. One witness says she heard as many as 10. As Jim lie on the ground dying, the officer had a chance to get a good look at the gun that had been pointed at him. It was then that he realized that it was a toy gun. I can only imagine the turmoil and anguish he and his family must be enduring right now. An unsuspecting executioner in another man’s desperate fight to quiet the demons. Once, and for all.
Mr Lady
I have no idea what to say, except that I am sorry.
(NukeDad) Me too. Not so much for him, but for all those victimized by his actions.
Mr Ladys last blog post..My Triumphant Return to Thursday Thirteen (or something like that)
Jul 04, 2008 @ 1:36 am
Audubon Ron
Over the years, several friends of mine committed suicide. Not this way. But, suicide is violence, and those who commit it are trying desperately to hurt those around them. I’m not so sympathetic unfortunately to those who choose this. In fact, the last friend I hunted down for four days and when I found him we had to pump his stomach. I was so angry.
The two things a counselor will ask those in desperation is (1) Are you suicidal, the next is (2) Are you homicidal. Sui or homi, it’s all the same to me.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry for their choices. I’m sorry for the pain it causes those who love them. I think it is best I don’t judge. God will have the last say in these matters.
But, these are very perplexing events aren’t they? All I can do is protect innocent children from harm even if it means giving my own life to do it. The friend becomes the monster.
Matthew 18:6 But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
(NukeDad) Very well said, Ron. I’ve nothing to add.
Audubon Rons last blog post..Dermatology Update:
Jul 04, 2008 @ 1:53 am
Weaselmooma
I too can only say I’m sorry. Well that and I am curious to see the post about opening night at “Tuna’s”
(NukeDad) There’s not much else to say, unfortunately. Yeah, the opening night post would be good, I’ll have to work on that.
Weaselmoomas last blog post..Let Freedom Ring!
Jul 04, 2008 @ 8:17 am
Melisa
Wow, that’s powerful stuff. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you or for anybody who was close to someone “back in the day” and then find out that they have turned into this “other person”, capable of such horrible things.
(NukeDad) It’s not that we were that “close”, I wasn’t BFF with either one of them. Jim was the type of friend that you tolerated.
Melisas last blog post..What Independence Day Means To Me
Jul 04, 2008 @ 9:39 am
Xbox4NappyRash
I can honestly say I’d have reloaded, and emptied into him again.
Horrible.
(NukeDad) He has nothing to worry about anymore. The child and the officer will be haunted the rest of their lives. That’s what bothers me the most.
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Child wishing in the whispering room
Jul 04, 2008 @ 12:20 pm
Mike Golch
I just happend to stumble on to your site so I decided to visit for a while. I read your tribute to your Dad. I’m sorry for the loss of your friend.
I know a few people that have exited this world by a few creative means, none the way your friend did.
(NukeDad) He did what he needed to do. I’m sure he got everything he deserved in prison. Child molesters are the bottom of the barrel in prison.
Mike Golchs last blog post..Happy Birthday America and my little Sis Linda
Jul 04, 2008 @ 2:18 pm
Tara R.
I’m sorry for this man and whatever demons led him to this desperate act. But I hurt for the police officer and the child he violated.
An elder in my church (when I was a kid) was finally arrested and convicted of molesting a child. I always knew he was a creep, but no one believed me (he never hurt me.) He eventually spent close to 20 years in prison. I still can’t wrap my mind around how anyone can hurt a child like that.
(NukeDad) Those in an authority postion will pay a higher cost in the hereafter; at least, I think so.
Tara R.s last blog post..Happy Fourth of July!
Jul 04, 2008 @ 4:57 pm
tom
You really can’t know the demons that live in some people by their outward appearance, or how quickly and silently they can do their ultimate destructive work. Just horrible. I know you’ll probably have that punched in the gut feeling for a while, I’ve been there.
(NukeDad) It’s the element of trust and the mis-judgement of character that make me most concerned. Both of them seemed like “normal” people. How can you ever tell?
toms last blog post..The Big Con Job
Jul 04, 2008 @ 4:57 pm
matt
This is one of those terribly difficult situations where I know I should feel for the man and try to understand the reasons behind his actions. But after its all said and done, I just don’t. I don’t mean to seem insensitive…I know he was a friend of yours. But from what you have described, it sounds like, had this not happened, he may have gone farther and farther down that dark path, causing more and more people agony and pain. I DO feel for those like you around him and the cop, who have to deal with the emotions associated with his death but, in my experience, a person like this would have met an early demise at some point regardless of the situation. Destiny, so to speak. I’m sorry you had to go through all that.
(NukeDad) I agree; he chose his path, the consequences of his actions are all on him. While we were neighbors, we were never “best friends”. I could see him possibly doing bad things in his life, but I would have never thought he was capable of this.
matts last blog post..No, We’re Not Mad At You.
Jul 05, 2008 @ 11:24 am
Kim
I feel no empathy for this man. Did he feel any compassion towards the little girl he assaulted? As you, I can think of nothing worse in the world than sexually assaulting a minor.. He got what he deserved.
(NukeDad) Agreed.
Kims last blog post..There Is No Such Thing As Bad Luck
Jul 08, 2008 @ 11:25 am
so grateful to be Mormon
i just feel sorry for the people he hurt while he was here, especially for the little girl.
(NukeDad) Agreed. The police officer also.
Jul 23, 2008 @ 4:21 pm
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