Dear Mr. Internet Pharmacy Billionaire:
Hello. You don’t actually know me by name, but let me introduce myself. I am the severely depressed, erectile dysfunctional, herpes inflicted, anxiety disorder victimized, panic attack having, AD/HD….Hey look! A squirrel!……sorry about that, AD/HD suffering, narcolepzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz oops; dozed off again, didn’t I? Narcolepsy suffering, heartburn bemoaning insomniac who’s blog comment box you have been filling on a daily basis with all of those wonderful deals. How are you? I’m not so good. Thank God you found me in time. I would have gotten back to you sooner, but this personality only surfaces every few weeks, so I’m taking advantage of the time we have before “Frank” comes back and ruins the party for everyone. For ordering information, just call me, oh, um, I don’t really care-I’m the bi-polar personality, call me what ever you like, I’ll get pissed about it later. How about “Joe”? Does that work for you? Ok, good. I’ll call you Dr. Spammer; sound alright? COOL! Let’s do some bidness.
Here’s what I need: I’m looking for someone who can supply me with my meds on a regular basis. The jerks at Wal-Mart won’t give me the $4 prescriptions anymore because apparently you need to be “sick”, or something in order to get one filled. I AM sick, trust me. The fact that I didn’t have it on “Stationary” or “Dr.’s Prescription Pad” is apparently an issue with the folks at Wal-Mart. How was I supposed to know that the back of my Burger King receipt in highlighter wasn’t good enough for them? That greeter was a real piece of work too, he’s supposed to say; “Welcome to Wal-Mart”, not “Stay the hell out or I’m calling the cops!” Whatever.
Anyway, can you help me out? Here’s what I need: Valtrex, Viagra, Valium-basically I need all of the “V” family; send it all. Next; I need Percocet, Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Celexa-everything in the “Happy” classification will be fine. Also; Hydrocodone, Adderall, Ritalin, Xanax, Prevacid, Tramadol and Aspirin. You know, for the headaches. Oh, and Allegra. I’ve got horrible allergies. Please throw in an antihistamine and a nice multi-vitamin as this is basically my meal for the day. Is it possible to get a volume discount? I’ll be placing 2 to 3 orders a week. Last but not least; is there anyway for you guys to combine these into just 3 or 4 pills? You know, grind ‘em up and repack them in a bigger capsule? I can handle anything up to the size of a tuna can. The little ones, not the family size. Thank you in advance for all of your help; reliable pharmacy service has been an issue for me lately, as I’m sure you can imagine. You can reach me through my blog’s comment page at….HA! What am I saying? Jokes on me! You KNOW where to find me, don’t you?