Jun 29 2008
Dear Mr. Internet Pharmacy Billionaire:
Hello. You don’t actually know me by name, but let me introduce myself. I am the severely depressed, erectile dysfunctional, herpes inflicted, anxiety disorder victimized, panic attack having, AD/HD….Hey look! A squirrel!……sorry about that, AD/HD suffering, narcolepzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz oops; dozed off again, didn’t I? Narcolepsy suffering, heartburn bemoaning insomniac who’s blog comment box you have been filling on a daily basis with all of those wonderful deals. How are you? I’m not so good. Thank God you found me in time. I would have gotten back to you sooner, but this personality only surfaces every few weeks, so I’m taking advantage of the time we have before “Frank” comes back and ruins the party for everyone. For ordering information, just call me, oh, um, I don’t really care-I’m the bi-polar personality, call me what ever you like, I’ll get pissed about it later. How about “Joe”? Does that work for you? Ok, good. I’ll call you Dr. Spammer; sound alright? COOL! Let’s do some bidness.
Here’s what I need: I’m looking for someone who can supply me with my meds on a regular basis. The jerks at Wal-Mart won’t give me the $4 prescriptions anymore because apparently you need to be “sick”, or something in order to get one filled. I AM sick, trust me. The fact that I didn’t have it on “Stationary” or “Dr.’s Prescription Pad” is apparently an issue with the folks at Wal-Mart. How was I supposed to know that the back of my Burger King receipt in highlighter wasn’t good enough for them? That greeter was a real piece of work too, he’s supposed to say; “Welcome to Wal-Mart”, not “Stay the hell out or I’m calling the cops!” Whatever.
Anyway, can you help me out? Here’s what I need: Valtrex, Viagra, Valium-basically I need all of the “V” family; send it all. Next; I need Percocet, Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Celexa-everything in the “Happy” classification will be fine. Also; Hydrocodone, Adderall, Ritalin, Xanax, Prevacid, Tramadol and Aspirin. You know, for the headaches. Oh, and Allegra. I’ve got horrible allergies. Please throw in an antihistamine and a nice multi-vitamin as this is basically my meal for the day. Is it possible to get a volume discount? I’ll be placing 2 to 3 orders a week. Last but not least; is there anyway for you guys to combine these into just 3 or 4 pills? You know, grind ‘em up and repack them in a bigger capsule? I can handle anything up to the size of a tuna can. The little ones, not the family size. Thank you in advance for all of your help; reliable pharmacy service has been an issue for me lately, as I’m sure you can imagine. You can reach me through my blog’s comment page at….HA! What am I saying? Jokes on me! You KNOW where to find me, don’t you?
Throw in some booze and you can have yourself one hell of a weekend!
(NukeDad) Ooh, I don’t know, Barb. Sounds like that would be a BYOSP party (Bring Your Own Stomach Pump)>
You mean, they’re not legitimate? Shoot. My plans for tonight are off, I guess.
(NukeDad) Maybe catch up on some sleep instead.
toms last blog post..Daddy is Clueless
Frank, you got to take this stuff exactly every four hours. You can’t double up or skip a dose.
(NukeDad) Oh, don’t worry, we all do! 6 personalities X 6 doses a day = a need for an internet pharmacy.
Audubon Rons last blog post..Pastor Feel Good
Brilliant!
(NukeDad) You mean the post, or the Internet Pharmacy Entrepreneurs?
Sues last blog post..Boobs Have Talent
WOW! COOL! THANKS! I’m really diggin’ the link love. This was the second one I saw today. Think I need to go do a happy dance in the kitchen.
(NukeDad) Just don’t slip on the floor and hit your head!
Weaselmommas last blog post..Power Out Hour
I have at least a dozen e-mails I’ll forward you. There seem to be quite a few people out there who are willing to help you out. Only thing…they don’t spell very well.
(NukeDad) Their grammar stinks too. That’s why I used a picture of one of the Nigerian 419 scammers as my picture for the post; with a little NukeDad embellishment, of course!
Momo Falis last blog post..Say Hello To My Little Friend
If you were a housewife you wouldn’t have these issues.
We manage our recreational narcotics with ease.
(NukeDad) It’s just trying to get all 6 personalities on the same page that’s hard. Maybe they make a pill for that? Mother’s Little Helper?
Sue Doe-Nims last blog post..Impossibly Rigid
Stocking up for the Fourth? Party at NukeDad’s!
(NukeDad) Nope, the only drugs in this house are caffeine and nicotine (smokeless). Of course, some could argue that those 2 are worse than lots of others.
Tara R.s last blog post..Mullet anyone?
If you have any left over pass them to me.. I mean we do share an ankle bracelet and all..
(NukeDad) HaHa, They actually haven’t sent the medicine yet, but they do have an excellent opportunity to make some quick cash. Apparently they know this Prince who is trying to get his money out of Nigeria……….
Kims last blog post..Fart Rating System