The Narcoleptic Labrador

My neighbors dog is killing me. It barks incessantly. But ONLY at night. Usually between the hours of 2am and 5am. I think it suffers from daytime narcolepsy. Barring a poisoned pork chop; I’m running out of options. I have several that I can still employ, but the pork chop is looking better and better. Now, before you call the ASPCA on me, understand that I am TOTALLY kidding about the pork chop. At least for the dog. The owners; however…

I do take some pity on the dog. It lives it’s entire existence in a store bought 8 X 8 chain link pen. Her owner cut a hole in the pen and attached a dog house to it. Sort of like an afterthought addition to a house. The people house has no fence, so the pen is the only way to contain the dog. Unless you count the times when they let her out of her pen and place her leash under one of the legs of a patio chair. That worked out real well. A 60 pound female lab can drag a wrought iron patio chair around the yard like it’s a cardboard box. It was only slightly humorous when the dog thought the chair was chasing her around the yard. She’d dart, tail between the legs down the hill only to look back to see the chair chasing her. Her yelping brought out the owners quickly enough to avoid me having to become involved.

This is a seasonal issue. The winter time is blissful in that the nights are cold and she is in her dog house. Most of the animals that cause nocturnal stirrings are usually asleep also; squirrels, possums, cats and the occasional Jehovah’s Witness. Summertime brings warm evenings and lots of animal activity. For some reason, our neighborhood has more squirrels than it has trees. The squirrels are either spending their nights looking for new digs, or they are just monster partyers. At some point during the early morning the revelers make their way to my house; like it’s Sixth Street in Austin; or Franklin Street in Chapel Hill. Insert your University’s party street here. Getting out of bed to go disperse the roustabouts is useless. They’ll all just jump in their cars, turn on the radio and claim ignorance when I tap on their window with my nightstick.

I’m sure some of you are thinking that if you were in this situation that you would unleash the Hounds of Hell to stop this; how come I’m not? Well; it’s a little more complicated. We have a drainage issue that centers on the house of the neighbors I’m talking about. It involves a shady developer, the Mayor of the city, 9 acres of water that flows through my yard and another entire posts’ worth of explanation that I will spare you. For now. I have a plan; it’s the timing that is crucial. D-Day took over 18 months to plan and execute; so have a little faith in me. All the juicy details will be revealed as they occur; I promise.

Launch It:

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 24th, 2008 at 3:05 am and is filed under The Peeve Zone. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Mr Lady

Jehovah’s Witnesses. Throw THEM the pork chop, okay? They can chase it with their kool aid.

(NukeDad) Done.

Mr Ladys last blog post..You only have two months left, you know.

Jun 24, 2008 @ 3:36 am

Xbox4NappyRash

I’m sorry, I can’t get past the dog-face thing.

That’s gonna creep me out for a long time.

(NukeDad) HaHa, sorry XboX, it is a little creepy, but I had to use it!

Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..A UV light at the end of the tunnel

Jun 24, 2008 @ 4:18 am

Melisa

First of all, it is not cold on winter nights in NC. It is cold on winter nights in Chicago and in Mr. Lady’s neck of the woods, but not in NC.

Secondly, I am appalled by the treatment of this dog by your neighbors. If I were Cesar Milan (The Dog Whisperer), I would say that if they would take the dog out for daily walks of at least 40 minutes a day, not only would he sleep at night but he wouldn’t be so freaked out all the time.

I am also of the opinion that if you are going to leave your dog outside all the time, you shouldn’t get a dog. However, I also know, after living 8 years of my life in Texas and in Tennessee, that outside dogs are a very southern thing and many, many people do that. (and the dogs for the most part don’t seem to mind when they have proper accommodations…)

But it’s not cold down there in the winter.

(NukeDad) Not cold in the winter? Then what is all that white stuff we got last year, and the ice storms, etc.? I agree, it’s not “Chicago cold”, but cold is cold. I don’t have an issue with the dog being outside all the time, the issue is that she has no space to move around. Labs crave attention and exercise, and she doesn’t get near enough. Not cold? I’m almost offended, Ms. Frosty.

Melisas last blog post..Birthday Fun: It’s Not Just For Breakfast Anymore.

Jun 24, 2008 @ 8:53 am

Audubon Ron

Benelli Pump. Worth more than just robbing liquor stores.

(NukeDad) For the dog, or the owners?

Audubon Rons last blog post..Honey I Love You, But You’ve Got Fecal Plaque

Jun 24, 2008 @ 11:13 am

Matt

That really sucks for the dog although, if thats really him in the picture, I can understand why they keep him chained up. Seriously though, you let me know if you need me to come have a little chat with Michael Vick. In the meantime, I am looking forward to hearing the plan.

(NukeDad) You got it Matt. I’m thinking 2 howling beagles at 3am might be a good start.

Matts last blog post..Preemies – Are They Worth The Cost?

Jun 24, 2008 @ 11:19 am

tom

I can’t wait to hear how you work this all out. I’m picturing something akin to a sandbag wall constructed from squirrels. But I’m not sure how the dog figures in… or the mayor… don’t leave us hanging long, okay?

(NukeDad) I’m leaning towards “acoustic reflectology”; I just need to figure out how to amplify the barks 10 fold.

toms last blog post..Father’s Day (observed)

Jun 24, 2008 @ 12:05 pm

Alright, alright. I’m warming up now. I guess cold is relative.

I agree about Labs needing space though!

(NukeDad) So is heat. When people would try to argue that El Paso wasn’t as hot as where they lived because “it’s a DRY heat” I would remind them that a blow torch is dry heat also.

Jun 24, 2008 @ 1:44 pm

Tara R.

I really feel sorry for the dog, heck with the neighbors. Gotta agree with xbox… JoJo, the dog-faced boy, is a little creepy.

(NukeDad) He is a little creepy, but that’s what lack of sleep will do to you.

Tara R.s last blog post..Gone in 15 minutes…

Jun 25, 2008 @ 12:04 am

Momo Fali

Your last paragraph sounds like a movie plot! The barking would drive me insane. Truly. I would’ve employed that pork chop (for the owners, of course) long ago.

(NukeDad) How about “Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Pork Chops”?

Momo Falis last blog post..I’m Putting My Car On A Charm Bracelet

Jun 25, 2008 @ 11:18 am

Kim

That picture is creepy. Really really creepy.

I am not even sure how you deal with the barking.. the pork chop.. errr maybe a little harsh…

(NukeDad) That IS a creepy picture, isn’t it! Hee Hee. The pork chop is too harsh…for the dog! It’s not harsh enough for the owners.

Kims last blog post..Adventures In Bra Hunting

Jun 26, 2008 @ 3:00 pm

manager mom

OK – that dog picture effing FREAKED ME OUT.

(NukeDad) It’s just Franken-Wiener. His glare is worse than his bite.

manager moms last blog post..My Outsourced Motherhood

Jun 28, 2008 @ 9:21 pm

Stacey

Strange, I thought you burned those oh so embarrassing pictures of your middle school days.

(NukeDad) I missed a few. This one, the “trans-gender” photo and the Thong Olympics album.

Jun 30, 2008 @ 4:18 pm

ahh, yes, the Thong Olympics. Memories………..

seriously, you are hilarious. Where is my cut on that part of the gene pool???

(NukeDad) You’ve got it! Just take your floaties off and get out of the shallow end! Do a double gainer off of the high dive and meet us in the deep end! Bring your beer bong!

Jun 30, 2008 @ 7:48 pm