Nuclear Family Warhead

Wow.  What a great day this turned out to be!  I woke up to find a ton (for me, at least) of comments on my Father’s Day post; linky love from Mr. Lady at Whiskey In My Sippy Cup and Melisa at Suburban Scrawl, and then I got TrampledUpon  StumbledUpon.  It’s been a busy day.  To top it off, the YMCA flag football team that I coach beat the unbeatable today.  Well, unbeatable in their minds.  I knew we were going to win.  We HAD to win.  You don’t call time out with 4 seconds left to play when you are leading by 2 touchdowns, like they did;  just so you can run up the score that we supposedly don’t keep.  This team had beaten us twice; the first time by 1 point, and the aforementioned 2 touchdown defeat.  We were ready today. 

We play 6 on 6 flag football.  The Y only had enough kids for 4 teams, which is why we played this team 3 times.  They had 9 players.  We had 6.  Their kids got breaks every few plays.  Our players played the whole game.  Every play.  My ”not keeping score” tally at the end of the game was: we scored 6 touchdowns and converted 4 extra points; they scored 4 touchdowns and converted 2 extra points.  A “Real World” final score of 40-26.  My favorite statistic from the game where we don’t keep score or stats?  We ran 14 offensive plays the entire game. 

That’s not a typo.  We only ran 1 offensive play in the first quarter, yet at the end of that quarter we were up 2 TD’s to 1.  If you’re not familiar with football, the equivalent would be catching 2 mice in one trap.  Nukeboy1 intercepted a pass on their third play and ran it back for a touchdown.  Then they scored.  We got the ball back, and on our first (and last) play on offense we ran 60 yards for a touchdown.  The other coach was a bit put out by our performance, which was evident by the increased amount of spittle that was being sprayed out of his mouth. 

This guy is a condescending ”nickname giver” who got all that he deserved today.  He TOLD his parents and kids; and I quote: “Yeah, these guy’s should be pretty easy to beat; we’ve already beaten them twice, and WHEN we win NEXT week we’ll complete our unbeaten season”.   I could hear his arm break as he patted himself on the back.  Two of our parents heard his little pre-game pep talk.  Did no one learn anything from the Super Bowl?  Remember when the NY Giants actually had the gall to show up and play; and then actually beat the mighty New England Patriots?  I know quite a few bookies learned a harsh lesson that day, too bad this guy wasn’t watching. The nickname reference comes from him insisting on giving everyone a nickname.  “Purple!  You’re in!” or, “Ironman! Right end!”  Others went by “Sporty”, “Hammer” and “Skinny”.  There was absolutely no rhyme or reason to these names.  They were flag football’s version of a Spice Girls-Village People head-on collision.  If you’re going to give them nicknames, at least let it make sense!  Purple?  Ironman?  Are you going for Superheroes or Tele-tubbies?  Half the kids didn’t answer to their nicknames anyway, they were just as confused as I was.  By the end of the first game against them, I already had my nickname picked out for him; but “Gonad-Boy” doesn’t translate well with 9 to 11 year olds.  

Shaking hands after the game I heard Gonad-Boy ask; “Did you guys have, like, 10 practices since we played you last?  You guys had all the answers today”.  Luckily I was already past him and my assistant coach (the one with the patience today; we trade off) laughed it off.  I was cheering my guys as they walked through, though: “Way to go Ego-Crusher! You had 2 TD’s today!” and “Hey! Comeuppance-boy! How’s it feel to throw 7 passes, all of them completions, 3 for touchdown’s?” and “Crow Sandwich-server! Did you shake hands with Gona; er, the other coach?”  I wasn’t as spiteful as I could have been, and how Gonad-Boy usually is.  It’s about the kids; and today our kids learned what it means to play and win with dignity.  Just like they have all year.  That’s how I keep score.

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