Nuclear Family Warhead

It all started with one of my “next times”.  Next time I take a shower, I’ll have to get the new bottle of shampoo, since I’m almost out.  The next time I took a shower, I repeated the exercise: Next time I take a shower, I’ll have to remember to get the new bottle, since I had to take the lid off and swish water around inside it to get any lather.  Well, guess what?  Today was “next time”. 

I showered without incident, and wet my hair for the shampoo course.  When I reached for the bottle, it toppled over into two pieces; bottle and cap, clinking and clanging relentlessly off of the shower walls.  I bent down and felt about blindly trying to locate both bottle and cap.  After putting the cap back on, I placed it back on the alcove in the shower (or so I thought), only to hear it clinking and clanging it’s way back to the shower floor.  I picked it up and threw it over the top of the shower curtain and heard it land safely in the bathtub.  There.  That solves that.  Now what? 

Nukeboy1 and Nukeboy2 both shower now, so I realized that I did have at least one option.  But, there had to be another way!  Dare I disturb NukeMom?  She was home doing some last minute cramming before heading out to take part 3 of the 4 part CPA exam.  She’s already passed parts 1 and 2 (Whoo Hoo!).  I thought better of disturbing her and bit the bullet.  I reached down and grabbed the bottle of Kid’s shampoo.  I dried my eyes and perused the label.  “Suave Kid’s 2 in 1 Shampoo-Shampoo AND Conditioner!”  Wow!  Both in one bottle!  That has to be good, right?  What’s this, down bottom?  Tear Free?  Detangling?  Righteous!  And then, I saw it.  As if the soccer playing/sunglasses wearing dogs’ collar medallion hadn’t already given it away.  The “scent” was (gulp) Wild Watermelon.  Oh dear God.

I shampooed as fast as I could, pushing thoughts of lip gloss, blow pops, pixie stix and Jolly Rancher’s out of my mind.  I did take time, however, to make a cool ultra-lather Mohawk and sing some Wayne Newton, ala Ferris Bueller: “I recall, Central Park in Fall.  You tore your dress, what a mess!”  I heard NukeMom through the door asking if everything was alright, so I yelled affirmative, and quickly rinsed my hair.  After toweling off and combing my hair, the aroma around my noggin’ seemed to have dissipated.  Thank goodness!  NukeMom gave me a goodbye kiss, and other than an odd glance, she was none the wiser.  I picked up Nukegirl from school, and after she gave me a kiss on the cheek she said: “Daddy, can I have a lollipop?”  I dismissed it as chance, as she is always asking for lollipops.  The killer, though, was when Nukeboy2 walked through the door a little while ago, and after giving me a hug said: “Did you buy candy at the store today?”, immediately followed by Nukeboy1 saying: “Dad, did you get some gum stuck in your hair?”  Next time I’ll just use the Dial bath bar soap and take my chances.

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