May 31 2008
If I Catch Mono And It Gets Worse, Will I Have Stereo?
The test results came back, and AP is in the clear. Cujo the squirrel didn’t have rabies. We already knew that, of course, it’s just nice to have validation. Cujo did have an affliction, though; he had a scorching case of “The Stupids”. This virus can manifest itself in many different forms and is easily transferable between species. It has many different levels of infection. A mild case of “The Stupids” could cause you to go out and buy a Jonas Brothers CD at the age of 27. The cure in this instance would be to give the CD to a little brother, sister or niece/nephew. A few more days of bed rest, and you should be fine. A really bad case of “The Stupids” may cause you to wear multiple gold chains around your neck and only button your shirt up to your belly button. In modern times the largest outbreak of “The Stupids” was seen in New York City in the late 70’s. This particular strain was called the “Disco-staphylococcus” strain and actually spread nationwide before being brought under control in the early 80’s. Researchers worked tirelessly to come up with a cure for “Disco-staphylococcus” and they finally made the break through in 1980. They called it “NewWaveicillin”. It was a second generation version of the original “PunkRockicillin” which had too many side effects. Patients complained of spiked, colored hair, safety pins through the nose and projectile vomiting. “NewWaveicillin” had far fewer side effects; the most serious being an acquired addiction to John Hughes movies.
Wow, that was quite the tangent! There’s a reason for it, and I’ll explain in a minute, but let’s get back to AP for a minute. He really is doing fine. He knew that before he went to the hospital, but you can’t take chances when you’re attacked by a squirrel. In the 75 times that it has happened since they started keeping records back in 1874, seeking medical help is always first on the list. That’s an average of one squirrel attack every year and a half; so anyone reading this who wants to feed the squirrels in the park can do so safely until November of 2009. I’d start getting leery around September or October of ‘09 just to be safe. AP looks fine. Here is a picture for you. He looks a little grey, but the Doctors say that’s a normal reaction to the antibiotic they gave him; arsenicicillinsomethingorrather. They said the flaky skin will take care of itself also, but he can use a putty knife if he wants to expedite the process. I offered my belt sander; we’ll see if he takes me up on it.
Now; the explanation for the tangent. I watched the 4 hours of the alleged “movie” The Andromeda Strain on A & E the other night and I was very disappointed. I loved the original movie, and though I haven’t read it yet, the book has always been on my “must read” list. It was written by Michael Crichton who gave us Jurassic Park, Congo, Sphere and many other great stories. I saw the original movie when I was 10 or 11 and it scared the crap out of me. I saw it again when I was older and had much better control of my bodily functions. The new adaptation goes for glitz and over-embellishment where the original concentrates on pure story and suspense. Thankfully the original will be airing this week also. If you saw the new one but haven’t seen the original, do yourself a favor and watch the original. It was made in 1971 when they didn’t have CGI, Lucasarts and the plethora of special effects options that they have today, so it relies on the story itself; and the story itself is great. If you need Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck blowing things up, then you may not like it. Either way, it’s worth a look.

























