Does This Hat Make My Brain Look Big?
I finally saw my first episode of “30 Rock” the other day. It won’t be my last. I was especially taken by the character of Frank and his cornucopia of head-wear. I used to be like Frank. I had hundreds of hats. Since this was while I was in High School, the majority of them were either beer hats or State Line Steak and BBQ Restaurant hats. That’s where I worked. They changed it later to just “Barbeque”, and most of us old timers were pissed, until we realized that possession of a “Steak AND BBQ” hat was a sign of status and possible future wealth. Like Mr. Krabs trying to get back his soda drink hat from first Spongebob, and then Smitty Werbenjaegermanjensen and the army of the dead, we knew they’d be valuable one day.
So it was with great trepidation that I ventured into the garage, or, the “Wastelands” as NukeMom likes to call it, to find my treasured hat. Would it still be out here? Would I be able to remember where I had put it? What color was it again? I searched high and low, and all I could come up with was a “Sticky Fingers” restaurant cap, which is strange if only for the fact that I’ve never been to one and have no idea where it came from. I also came across an old “Lite Beer Super Bowl Something Roman Numeric” hat. I can’t tell you which Super Bowl, I didn’t look. Did I mention that I’m on a MISSION here? Oh, and I found my official Masters golf hat! Hand delivered from Augusta National (Thanks, Ted).
After 15 minutes and thoughts of hopelessness, something green caught my eye. It was under the belt sander, and partially under the circular saw. Not a good sign. With the care and gentleness of an EMT extracting a crash victim from a smashed up Miata, I pulled the belt sander and saw off of my poor hat. It was faint, but I could feel a pulse. Two rounds of mouth to bill resuscitation (blowing dust off of it), and my hat was able to sit up on my head without falling off. Here’s a picture from ICU; taken post-op.
I did the best that I could; nursing it back to health. It wasn’t until my hat was out of the woods that I noticed something: It was only a “Barbeque”, not a treasured “Steak AND BBQ”. Bummer. There goes my ebay feedback score. I cooked steaks later that night, and proudly wore my new found old friend. I could still smell smoke from the BBQ pits from all those years ago lingering in the material. Memories started flooding into my head; could they be coming from the hat? They must be! How else would I remember that the last “Steak AND BBQ” hat that I owned was lent out, in good faith I might add, to Kyle. Kyle, if you’re reading this, I want my hat back. And when I say back, I mean like yesterday. Don’t forget; I know where you’re living now. Well, the city anyway. 2nd day air will be fine.
Mr Lady
I know why I like you! You are a total CHICK!
PS: I love 30 Rock, too.
(NukeDad) You mean like “chic”, or are you questioning my masculinity?
Apr 27, 2008 @ 4:01 am
Melisa
“With the care and gentleness of an EMT extracting a crash victim from a smashed up Miata”: ROFL! Hilarious description!
And OMG, we LOVE “30 Rock”! The writing has always been super-good, but since the Writer’s Strike ended, even way better. I laugh throughout most of the show…
Have a great Sunday!
(NukeDad) Thanks Melisa, Yugo was my second choice.
Apr 27, 2008 @ 12:15 pm
Kyle
NukeDaddy,
I read this and laughed! 24 years after the fact and you want your hat back!? It’s not like I borrowed one of your thousands of albums and never returned it. You would have hunted me down and humiliated me in public to get your Elton John, Caribou album back!
It is nice to remember those days and laugh. I have to say, now that I have my own child I cannot wait for you guys to meet him (No stories of the “good ol’ days” if you please). I will embarrass him on my own.
I dig your blog my friend.
Peace,
Kyle
P.S. Don’t forget, you broke my nose “by accident”. Forgive me for the hat please.
(NukeDad) Kyle, a few things: 1) Keeping ‘Caribou’ wouldn’t have been a big deal, if it was ‘Goodbye Yellow Brick Road’, that’s another story. 2) Your nose just bled, it wasn’t broken. 3) Even if it was broken, who said it was an accident? 4) If I see my hat on ebay, you’re a dead man.
Apr 28, 2008 @ 1:17 am
Jeremy (Discovering Dad)
Very funny! Hats are like friends, kind of like cowboy boots. I have hats and cowboy boots from high school, which was (uh-hum) almost 20 years ago now.
(NukeDad) Only 20 years? Punk. Just Kiddin’. I found an old pair of pants from High School-they are now the “goal” pants for the weight loss challenge. It was back before the waist measurement overtook the length measurement.
Apr 28, 2008 @ 2:19 pm
Nuclear Family Warhead » Yeah, But Does He Know When To Double Down?
[...] friend Kyle the hat stealer, you remember him, just emailed me pictures of his son’s first trip to the horse track. He [...]
May 27, 2008 @ 2:46 am