Nuclear Family Warhead

This one calls for a disclaimer.  While I usually have fun with the ‘Cliffipes’, this one will be a little more serious.  Namely because salsa just isn’t that funny.  I have over 20+ years of restaurant experience under my belt.  OK, so like 5 of those years are now hanging OVER my belt, but you get the idea.  The point is that I’ve made, and tasted many salsas in my day, and this one will surprise you.  Over 75% of the restaurants that you eat in that serve salsa start with Pace picante sauce as their base.  Yes, the same stuff you can buy in the store.  If you like your salsa chunky, then open the jar and have fun; we call that really bad ‘pico de gallo’ where I come from.  But if you like actual ’salsa’ as it was meant to be made and eaten, then read on.

• Find your blender
• Clean out the remnants of Margarita’s from your Super Bowl Party
• Didn’t know lime juice and salt would be so hard to clean off, did you?
• Items you will need:
• 1 jar of salsa-I suggest the store brand, cheaper and usually identical
• Guess who probably makes salsa for Wal-mart?  Try and keep Pace with me
• 1 bunch cilantro
• 3 medium tomato’s-ripe/over ripe-buy the mushy ones! They’re not going on your sandwich!
• Water
• Salt and Pepper
• 1 lime
• Put 3-6 sprigs of cilantro in blender. Don’t over do it, it’s strong. Use more or less to taste
• Add 1 1/2 tomato’s, cut in quarters
• Add 1/2 jar of Wal-mart (I said it again!)  Medium salsa
• You can use hot if you like. They also have mild, but then, what would be the point?
• Add salt and pepper to taste-if you over/under do it, you can adjust making 2nd half of batch
• Squeeze in 1/2 lime. FREE TIP: roll lime against the counter (hard) before cutting-more juice!
• Add water: approx. 1/2 to 2/3 cup to start. You can adjust just like with the salt and pepper
• Fire up the Cuisinart-don’t go too long, keep checking consistency, you can’t ‘unblend’
• Pour contents into large bowl and taste. Too salty? Too much cilantro? Now you know what to add more of, or less of with the 2nd half of the batch, just repeat the process.
• Throw away the rest of the cilantro, or go here, I don’t get any more use out of it
• Use liberally on bad food to make it taste better.
• Goes great on the myriad uses of Mexi-Meat
• Don’t forget to yell “Ole’!” when you’re done
• For God’s sake, clean the blender this time

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