Nuclear Family Warhead

$1,000,000.00 offered to the person or persons that remove Dora the Explora’ from television.*

This insanity has gone on long enough.  I do my best to keep her out of the house, but like an annoying insect she slips through the door when you’re lugging in groceries, or letting the cat out for the morning.  Then she attaches herself to your brain stem and starts feasting.   This girl needs to be in the care of a good psychotherapist in order to get a handle on her OCD.  She has to ask herself where she’s going 3 or 4 times before she can get started.  Even then, she’s not really sure so she asks my kid for help. 

It turns out that the producers of Dora didn’t think that she and her boot wearing monkey were irritating enough.  She has a cousin too!  Diego.  He runs around with a dangerous predatory cat as a pet and thinks nothing of bringing this man-eater around the general population.  What is he thinking?  Well, admittedly, they do describe him as a “very special child.”

Dora and her monkey alone would be enough for any grown man to have to endure, but she has an entire menagerie of aggravating inanimate objects to draw from.  Chief among these being The Map.  I can tell you’re a map, you don’t have to repeat it 12 times.  Write some new lyrics for your song before you pop out of the backpack, backpack, backpack, backpack… again.

I care not as to how it’s done, just get her off the air.  Bring her to the Lair and collect your reward.

* Reward paid out at $1 per year for 1 million years.

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