Redeployment Is Not An Option

Ask some people what a “Nuclear Family” is, and the responses will vary from a family that lives entirely too close to the cooling towers,  to a family of really smart scientist-like folk.  Ask most anybody what a “Nuclear Warhead” is, and 99% will be able to tell you that it’s the thingy on the end of a missle that makes things go “KABOOM”.  No one, however, will be able to tell you what a Nuclear Family Warhead is. 

For the record, here is how dictionary.com defines them: Nuclear Family: “A social unit composed of father, mother and children.”

Nuclear family. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved March 15, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Nuclear family

and: Nuclear Warhead: “A warhead containing a fission or fusion bomb.”

Nuclear warhead. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved March 16, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Nuclear warhead

For our purposes, we will define a Nuclear Family Warhead as: “The bombs that are unleashed when detente fails between Father and child, resulting in mutually assured destruction.”

This is the story of two Stay at Home Dads on a mission: raise the kids while Mom is off earning the big bucks while simultaneously doing all of the cleaning, cooking, bathing, laundry, shopping, etc.  You know, all of the things that Dad’s are wired for.  It is a big mission, one that we don’t enter into lightly.  We understand that diplomacy, while effective, is usually lost on terrorists and those under the age of 8, but we are always willing to try it first.  When negotiation fails, however, we are fully prepared to unleash the Wrath of Dad and turn the playroom into a parking lot.

Strategy is important.  Sometimes all that is required is a low yield NFW to  quell an uprising between brother and sister.  Other times call for a pre-emptive NFW strike in the 1 kiloton range strategically exploded above the heads of the advancing troops.  There are times, however, when both sides are pushed to the brink, and there is no red phone to pick up.  These are the times that Parent and child realize they can’t even pronounce “Glasnost” and both sides unleash a torrent of NFW’s that shatter the landscape.  Or at least the living room.

This journey will prove to you that the cold war isn’t over.  You’ll find out what really happens behind The Juice Box Curtain, what motivates the Secretary of Allowance to behave the way he does and that Redeployment is not an option.  So if you’re ready, lace up your boots and enlist in The Army of Dad.  The only way to sustained peace is through overwhelming strength.  Oh, and nap time helps too.